How to Find a Good CEN Therapist
“I’ve seen several therapists in the past, and none of them ever thought of CEN as a factor for me.”
“My therapist talks about Emotional Neglect, but does not seem to have the full picture in the way that you describe it in the book.”
“My therapist doesn’t seem to understand what I mean when I talk about my Childhood Emotional Neglect.”
“Can you please help me find a CEN specialist near me?”
Running on Empty came out one year ago. Since then, I’ve enjoyed hearing from hundreds of readers. Each week, I get multiple letters and emails from readers telling me their stories, or asking questions about Childhood Emotional Neglect. Many of the messages I’ve received are from people saying that they read Running on Empty, and feel that they finally understand the underlying cause of their struggles. Many of these folks have gone to see multiple therapists in the past and were helped somewhat, but felt that a big piece went un-addressed; their Childhood Emotional Neglect. The questions and comments above are ones which I have heard over and over again.
When looking for a CEN specialist, here’s what you’re up against:
I have not yet had an opportunity to develop a network of therapists who I feel confident to recommend as CEN specialists. I expect to do so in the future, but it will take time. I apologize that I haven’t been able to do this faster!
If you ask a therapist if he/she can help you with “Childhood Emotional Neglect,” he/she will say, “of course I can. I understand Emotional Neglect very well.” However, every mental health professional will dredge up his own concept of what this phrase means to him. It may share only the most basic element of the CEN concept that I talk about in Running on Empty .
Not all therapists will have an open mind to learning a different, new, or more extensive concept of Emotional Neglect.
Here’s the good news: Any well-trained, competent therapist who is open to learning about CEN can understand the concept from Running on Empty and be able to help you with it.
Here are my suggestions:
Start with a therapist who has good credentials, experience and/or a recommendation from a trusted source.
If you are interested in doing the recovery exercises in the second half of the book, you might want to find a therapist who has skills in the cognitive-behavioral area. However, a therapist who describes herself as a “behaviorist” would probably not be a good match for this.
When you call for a first appointment, talk with the therapist on the phone first. Tell her about the book and that you are looking for a therapist to help you with not just “generic emotional neglect” but “the full picture of CEN that is described in the book.”
Ask the therapist if he/she will be willing to look at the book and read the ‘For the Therapist’ chapter.
If all systems are go, then take a copy of the book to your first apptointment.
At your first appointment, try to describe why this way of understanding yourself is helpful, and why other things you’ve tried have missed the mark.
If you feel in the first appt. that the therapist isn’t fully on-board, try another one. Seeing a therapist once does not obligate you to go back.
I hope you find these tips useful. And I hope you will not hold back from getting help with this. It’s possible to heal yourself, but it can be much easier with the support and guidance of a professional who truly understands what you are going through and how to mend it.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by this process or a bit at-sea, you can request a one-hour phone or Skype consult with me to help you sort out whether and how CEN applies to you, and how to find and describe your needs to a therapist. I can also consult with your chosen therapist about CEN if that would be helpful to you and your therapist.
I wish I could do these consults for free! But due to the heavy demands of my efforts to bring the concept of CEN to more people, I do have to charge for myconsultation time. To learn more about scheduling a consult, please visit my Private Practice page.
