Musings about entering into eldership….
I spend a lot of time thinking about my family. I think about the ones who are still here in the physical sense, but my musings are usually focused on the ones who have gone on to glory - those I knew and those I did not know in this life.
Mostly, I think about the women who were around me from the time I was born - well into my adulthood. My great-aunts - who were great in every sense of the word.
I didn't fully comprehend during their time here, just how much of an impact they would have on my life.
They were strong women. No doubt about that. I like to think that I am a strong woman as well. How could I not be - their DNA flows through my veins.
I do however, have my weak moments - and so did they. But they were resilient women. They had their cry - their brief "woe-is-me" moments and then pulled themselves up by the proverbial boot straps and marched on.
Their lives didn't really allow them to pursue their dreams -- they were born and grew up in a time when black women did what their mama's before them did: Got married, worked hard, had children, worked hard - raised their families - worked hard - assisted in raising their grandchildren - worked hard and then died.
Without the love of and connection to family it would have been a thankless existence.
They sacrificed their dreams so their off-spring could follow theirs…
It's humbling and heartbreaking all at the same time.
I am bloated with appreciation…
I wonder what they are thinking about us - the descendants.
I think this generations sense of family has waned. We cousins are not as close as the previous generations. Years will go by before we all come together and break bread - which is mostly at funerals. That was not the case when I was growing up. Holidays were reserved for the family -- all of the family. Twenty or thirty of us would cram into my great aunts tiny one-bedroom apartment for Thanksgiving or Easter dinner - and it didn't seem crowded - it was cozy because it was family.
These events were mandatory. The gatekeepers would have it no other way. This is what family was all about.
But most of the gatekeepers have passed away and it seems that their sense of tradition has passed on with them.
We are now a bloodline scattered to the wind - visiting each other on Facebook instead of in person. Can you sense the sadness I feel about this?
In the next few years I will move into an eldership position. My grandmother is 88 years old - and while she is physically healthy, her mind has started unravel. My mother is only 70 - but she too is having mental difficulties. In New York that leaves me and a small generation of cousins….
What will we do to restore the family traditions? We have off-spring that don't even know one another! It's so very disheartening. I wonder if the ancestors are as disappointed in us as I suspect they are…
The women who came before me left some pretty big shoes to fill… I don't know if I'm worthy or even ready………
Bernice L. McFadden
Mostly, I think about the women who were around me from the time I was born - well into my adulthood. My great-aunts - who were great in every sense of the word.
I didn't fully comprehend during their time here, just how much of an impact they would have on my life.
They were strong women. No doubt about that. I like to think that I am a strong woman as well. How could I not be - their DNA flows through my veins.
I do however, have my weak moments - and so did they. But they were resilient women. They had their cry - their brief "woe-is-me" moments and then pulled themselves up by the proverbial boot straps and marched on.
Their lives didn't really allow them to pursue their dreams -- they were born and grew up in a time when black women did what their mama's before them did: Got married, worked hard, had children, worked hard - raised their families - worked hard - assisted in raising their grandchildren - worked hard and then died.
Without the love of and connection to family it would have been a thankless existence.
They sacrificed their dreams so their off-spring could follow theirs…
It's humbling and heartbreaking all at the same time.
I am bloated with appreciation…
I wonder what they are thinking about us - the descendants.
I think this generations sense of family has waned. We cousins are not as close as the previous generations. Years will go by before we all come together and break bread - which is mostly at funerals. That was not the case when I was growing up. Holidays were reserved for the family -- all of the family. Twenty or thirty of us would cram into my great aunts tiny one-bedroom apartment for Thanksgiving or Easter dinner - and it didn't seem crowded - it was cozy because it was family.
These events were mandatory. The gatekeepers would have it no other way. This is what family was all about.
But most of the gatekeepers have passed away and it seems that their sense of tradition has passed on with them.
We are now a bloodline scattered to the wind - visiting each other on Facebook instead of in person. Can you sense the sadness I feel about this?
In the next few years I will move into an eldership position. My grandmother is 88 years old - and while she is physically healthy, her mind has started unravel. My mother is only 70 - but she too is having mental difficulties. In New York that leaves me and a small generation of cousins….
What will we do to restore the family traditions? We have off-spring that don't even know one another! It's so very disheartening. I wonder if the ancestors are as disappointed in us as I suspect they are…
The women who came before me left some pretty big shoes to fill… I don't know if I'm worthy or even ready………
Bernice L. McFadden
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message 1:
by
R.K.
(new)
Nov 14, 2013 05:59AM
What a beautiful and thoughtful post. You are doing what you should be, just by your mindfulness and your connection to your mother and grandmother. Be blessed and those are such beautiful pictures.
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Love Your Ability to put into words how I feel. You've inspired me to dosomething about it!
I've been thinking about these same things the last few days . My mother is 70 , and is on hospice care . I remember so much family being around when I was growing up ...where did they go ? My children don't know half of their relatives . Although our family tree has been shedding it's leaves , there are still a lot left ...sadly they may never know them. I'm going to do my best to bring the "family " back in family . Thank you for the beautiful words Bernice...
Start new traditions that will fit into busy lifestyles in today's world. I do not know my cousin's children, many who are now parents themselves. Facebook has made it possible for me to get acquainted with these long-distance relatives.
My daughters are friends with some of their cousins. They see each other more often than I saw mine when their ages.(We only saw each other at weddings or funerals.) Because they do things together, that next generation cousins are becoming friends too.
My granddaughter, Paris, for instance is "best friends" with my niece Annamae's daughter. They cry when visits are over and get busy planning sleepovers when they can spend an entire weekend together.
Best wishes as you figure out how to bring the family together and Happy Thanksgiving to all.
This a great post; I often think the same thing. My parents divorced when I was very young, I never got to know my father's side of the family.I think our descendants would be very disappointed. Especially with this 'electronic' way of keeping in touch.
