Coming Through in the Clutch

You’ve got to get the soccer jersey washed, pick up the ingredients for dinner, finish the proposal for work and get home in time for the kid’s piano lessons. Oh, and the bills are due.

Many of us have days filled with a random assortment of jobs and chores that keep our lives organized, but the pressure of trying to get it all done can keep us from performing our best. It also amps our stress and leaves us feeling that scattered, I-can’t-remember-what-I-was-just-about-to-do-next feeling.

In the last couple of weeks I’ve written about how to pare down that to do list to put more emphasis on doing the things that matter and keeping up on the essentials, while letting the non-essentials go.

Even then I know your list will be long. But there are several tips you can use to step up and deliver even under pressure and it starts by reaffirming what matters.

Knowing Your Values Can Help You Deal with Stress

Research by JD Cresswell, psychologist at Carnegie Mellon University indicates that when we are clear about our life values and reflect or affirm them we tend to feel more grounded and able to perform better during those times we feel pressured, or inadequate. We also become better problem solvers.

Getting clear and staying close to those values is also a way to live with greater meaning which prompts what Steven Weiss call values-based happiness. This is a sustainable happiness – it stays with us when we believe we are doing what’s important.

Affirming your values – remember these are the things that matter to YOU, not the things your mom or partner or boss say you should care about — also builds self-control, eases stress, and helps us to be more open to negative information so that we can learn from our mistakes, according to University of Toronto Scarborough psychology professor Michael Inzlicht who has studied the affect.

But how do you start? How do uncover the guiding principles of your life and live close to those you deem most important?

Take an Inventory

Start by doing an inventory of what you are doing now. How do you spend your day? Where do you put your time?

Then, on a separate page, write down what you consider your top 10 values.

Take a look at the list and the inventory. Do they jive? Are you spending time, each day on the things that you say you value?

Look for the discrepancies, the places where your values don’t match up with how you spend your time, and make a note of them. Then, rewrite your values, or restructure your schedule.

For example, several years ago, I said I valued my health. But, I never worked out, didn’t pay too much attention to what I ate, and rarely went to the doc. My behavior was not in sync with what I said I valued. What I gave lip service to – good health — didn’t match up with how I spent my time – watching too much television with a side of ice cream.

Then I got sick, and I immediately realized, without good physical health I got nothin’ so, I put that as number one on my values list, joined a gym, and synced my behavior with my value system. That just feels better. When you live in alignment with what you care about, life has greater meaning, authenticity, joy and this crazy, wonderful sense of flow.

Of course our values do shift as we change and grow. Sometimes we even outgrow them without realizing. For example, being a good parent was not on my dance card 10 years ago — until I had a kid. I’m growing into that value now, it’s near the top, and I’ve moved my other values, like my once-top value of career, down just a bit.

Now, you try it: Look for the mismatches between what you value and what you do — on your own list. Consider what you want to keep, and which, perhaps you’ve grown out of or away from. It’s o.k. – there are no right or wrong answers here — but get really clear about what matters to you. Then, in Wednesday’s post, I’ll show you how to work with what you’ve got.

 

Photo by: Stuart Miles