An Awesomely Bad Sentence

The Bulwer-Lytton award is given annually for the worst first sentence of a novel. Contestants craft deliberately bad opening lines. Molly Ringle took the 2010 prize with this gem:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one
another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous
kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a
giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest
gerbil.

Edward...