Marking the Days at One Year and the Reality of Loss.......

I know that I have not posted for
you over the last three months.......my mind
and heart have been consumed with a wedding for Matt and Emma, my children, and
 the continuing reality of life without
Barbara.....so I beg  your indulgence as I
share with you some of what Barbara would want you to know on the anniversary of her departure in the eye of a hurricane...

 These days mark the anniversary of Barbara's fatal
stroke and a season of loss, sorrow, & challenge... a time for reflection of
our faith & understanding of God.... the new perspectives we may have 
through  our individual worldviews
as we mourn in each of our lives those you may have lost.....and for us, our dear Barbara and Hattie  ...The
questions arise of "why" and  "when will
I have hope again?"   I for one have
realized that hope does not come naturally...it's something that must be sought
through faith, (which can be dark times for some of us.) And realizing that with the healing of the  wounds  brings pain..... and as they heal, leave scars. .....

Please keep in mind
these verses from the Book of Psalms and Jeremiah  as you read a bit of Barbara's history...... "You
formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb...My very self you knew;
my bones were not hidden from you...When I was being made in secret, fashioned as
in the depths of the earth...Your eyes foresaw my actions; in your book all are
written down....my days were shaped before one came to be." And God says, "For I
know well the plans I have in mind for you says the Lord, plans for your
welfare....not for woe!  Plans to give you
a future full of hope."

 This little girl above is Barbara... as you
can see, she started out full of joy, hope, and expectation.....At age seven ,
she and her two younger brothers were put in foster care because their Dad had
left and their Mother couldn't handle. There she was raped and molested by her
foster father and his eldest son w/o protection or defense from her foster
mother until her own Mother finally listened to her pleas  and took her children back. Her Mother was an
alcoholic and food  and parental love were not a priority
at that point. Barbara raised her brothers,
including another from another step dad that also left. She took it on her own
to talk herself into a Catholic HS (Bishop O'Connell) getting herself a good
education and became the National Merit finalist in the DC area whereupon she
rec'd scholarship for a full university education at George Mason when it
opened in it's first year. She had met and courted a wonderful man Jeff, (a few
years older) from Jersey who went to Mount St. Mary's and they married and had
their first child....a beautiful daughter, Samantha... Tumultuous times, the
late 60s.....Barbara became a Montessori teacher and involved in politics
during this time....she was an activist & part of that 2nd wave of feminism
during the Vietnam War that brought in abortion rights, anti war riots, etc.
and all the drugs, free love, etc. that came with it. She urged her husband to
move to S.F during the "Summer of Love"  and they came west to the Left coast where
they soon had their second daughter, Jasmine. Things went downhill quickly with
drugs involved, and Barbara unfortunately left her husband breaking his heart
and turning his life and their children's lives upside down forever...
Circumstances went from bad to worse as they will in that downward spiral, and
soon Barbara and her daughters found themselves living in the S.F. Mission
district in a daily worsening desperate situation. Poor Samantha and Jasmine
were now experiencing with their mother things that Barbara had experienced
with her own mother... Something clicked, (God intervened) and she moved them
all across the Bay to San Rafael into a much tamer neighborhood.  Soon after, she had what she described as
"a moment of clarity" where she realized she needed to do something
about her addictions for the sake of her daughters and got clean and sober
through AA. Two years later, (enter Tripp...similar history as you know...check
archives) we met on my 28th birthday. We were married 3 mos. later
w/ our 1st together, 
Josh  on the way, @ Jenner by the
Sea while the sun was going down.......God brought two misfits together that  had not been living His plan for their lives...but
had been living lives according to their own will headed for destruction.  Both of us  should have ended up either dead, in jail, or
in the gutter.... But He introduced "Plan B" which brought life, light, and
direction where  before there was only
darkness from our own choices...

Thirty + years later, she's now
in Heaven......having  come to know that she had
a Father that never failed her , had been watching her all her days, and loved
her as His special little girl....She bore nine children on her own during which
she had three miscarriages,( and an abortion in her early days which she always
regretted.....and before I met her I myself was responsible for two that I know
of and remember/regret to this day.)  She
adopted three children with special needs , wrote 10 books for parents and
mothers,  became an ardent proponent
& speaker in the Pro Life movement after being an abortion activist in her
younger years....Published hundreds of articles supporting family and truth, and
thousands of blogs concerning same.  She
wasn't perfect.....she had flaws, baggage, and demons from her past that we
continued to battle, (as we battled mine...and continue too with her gone.)  But the reality is that God was and is always
there.....in truth He is the Father who keeps His promises....no matter what.....

As each of us weave the tapestry
of our lives.... there will be threads of grief, betrayal, abuse, injustice, etc. that will challenge us to throw
it into the fire with bitterness or just stop weaving entirely ....Questions
will arise.... How can a supposed loving Heavenly Father...God...be in charge of
the Universe...and allow my loved one to die or for any other evil thing to happen?  
I for one have come to realize
the truth that God's ways are too complex for me to understand.  If He were a God I could understand then he'd
be like me and not who He is.  Our Father
has plans for each of us....Barbara and  I
chose  while we were  each on our own  on separate paths and then when we were
together to do what we wanted to do ... just like Adam and Eve...it ended up in
near disaster many times with Our Father rescuing us...because that is His Heart...
He didn't make us robots, but men and women of free will that were to live
forever in the Garden to walk with Him...Instead, Adam and Eve, like each of us
so often chose our own plan....... Our individual choices come into play and may dictate
our destiny....but no death is simply the result of circumstances, an accident or
fate....This doesn't mean God wanted your loved one to die, for you or others to be betrayed, abused, etc..He is not morally
responsible for the Fall of Man and the consequences ........It means the same God who loved you enough to die
for you is in control.....and the answers to the questions are on the "other"
side of the River...

Know that many of you want to know how we are faring and I will post an update soon...This imperfect post is what I feel she wanted me to share... While we spent time at the shore
a couple weeks ago, two yellow butterflies showed up each day on the beach.....We  all felt it was Our Father's sign that
Barbara and Hattie were with us.....Sunday we gathered at Barbara's graveside
and  two yellow butterflies came by again.....You
have to love His divine orchestration....

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,

and be gracious to you.

May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,

and give you peace.

 Love to you all,

Papa Tripp