It’s Time for “The Talk”

I love me some Shark Tank, a reality show where entrepreneurs try to get investors to give them some cash for a piece of their up and coming business. Last night there was a couple on that promised a new product for to help couples communicate better and strengthen their relationships. I couldn’t wait.

Here’s the concept/product. It’s a stuffed elephant in a covered plastic box called Elephant Chat. Instead of telling your significant other, “We have to have a talk,” you just uncover the boxed elephant (the elephant in the room) and your partner knows there’s an issue. You know that you need to tread lightly and clear some space/time to have a sit-down with your partner. During the conversation, the only person who is allowed to talk is the one with the elephant. When the conversation is done, Peanut goes back into his box, you cover it up, then leave it out in a conspicuous place for the next “big talk”.

All this for only sixty bucks! Yeah, I know. That’s a tank of gas for a four-dollar toy in a box. I could grab a stuffed toy from my daughter’s closet, stick it in a shoe box and I’ve got the same thing. The investors weren’t having any of it. The price was ludicrous and it would have been

image from ElephantChat.com

bad money invested, and I agree. But, even if the price-point were much lower, I’m still not sold on the idea.

I love anything that will help open the lines of communication in a relationship, but I think the elephant really is taking an additional step away from communication. Instead of talking about an issue, now you have to use a toy to tell your spouse that you want to talk. 

I teach kids writing skills. When they learn about paragraphs I talk about the introduction sentence: “Don’t tell me what you’re going to tell me. Just tell me!” So instead of “This is a story about a boy at a zoo,” I want to read, “Johnny loved the zoo.” Get to it, straight to the pint. If you start telling us, we’ll know soon enough what you want to tell us.

That’s how I feel about the elephant. With that elephant’s trunk looming when I come home from work, my wife is telling me, “We need to talk.” Now I have all kinds of anxiety: “Is this a huge issue? How serious?” I can’t enjoy myself knowing that a “talk” is imminent. I believe saying “We need to talk” or putting out a stuffed animal that says the same thing just creates tension, when all that needs to be done is start talking: “I wanted to remind you about the toilet seat, Phil. I fell in again.”

Sure, there are times when you need to announce a talk: there’s substance abuse, you’ve been impregnated by another man, you’ve lost the family saving at the craps table, you’re going to ask for a divorce, but for the minor “issues” just talk about them when they arise. No need for a build up and making a mountain out of an elephant.