Conversations with a Missionary - a frank look at cultural integration
I am so very honored to be able to share this interview with Janet with you today. It is a frank look at a missionary work from the perspective of the local people missionaries serve. While parts of it may be difficult to digest, I urge you to open your heart and mind, and let this sink in, as I have over the past couple of days. I honor Janet for her courage in writing what she had to share, because I believe it is most helpful for us when we lay aside our allowances and excuses and listen with openness to how we are at times perceived.
Tell us a little bit about yourself:
My name is Janet Tuškan (Tooshcan) and I was born in London, U.K. I originally came to Zagreb in 1984 as an “international trainee” with the Navigators – an interdenominational, international organization that focused on discipleship and equipping people to make disciples through one on one mentorship and small groups. I was supposed to be here for 3 years, but in my second year I met my husband Tomislav, we got married in 1988 and now I have been here for most of my life. We have four children (aged from 23 to 15) and it would take too long to talk about them…
What have you observed is the most typical behavior of missionaries concerning the balance of relationships between other missionaries and the local people?
Before I came, when I was talking about it all with my mother, she expressed some irritation with my saying that I was coming to teach the people here what I had learned. I didn’t really understand why she found that annoying – after all I had learned a lot and I wanted to share it with others. What she saw in me was a certain amount of arrogance, the attitude that I was superior in some way to the people I was coming to serve – without really knowing anything about them, their culture, their lives…
In the 29 years I have lived in Croatia I have seen many missionaries come and go. I have witnessed many good and bad habits by missionaries in relation to building relationships with local people.
Since James Hudson Taylor is my hero and model in terms of missions, I am frequently reminded of how he left the missionaries on the coast, dressed as a China man (including dying his hair black and tying it in a pigtail) and went inland. He also offered the people a service – he was a doctor – and did not merely “preach” at them.
I am from Britain, so I am a European, and I believe this is a major advantage in relating to other Europeans – regardless of language or culture. I have noticed that Americans have much more difficulty adjusting to European and specifically Croatian culture. There seems to be an inbuilt attitude that their culture is superior and they have come to show the people here how to do things. I am sorry I have to say this, but this is my overriding feeling in relation to almost all the American missionaries I have met in these 29 years. I also came with that attitude – as my mother noticed – and it took some shock therapy for me to realize how arrogant I was and to see the people here as equal and in some ways superior to me – and certainly superior in their understanding of their own culture, desires, and needs.
Being married to a local, how do you feel this behavior is observed by the local people?
I have noticed especially that families find it hardest to merge with the culture. They are so tied up with their own lives they have little time or energy to get on with language learning or getting out to meet and spend time with local people. A huge trap as far as I am concerned is home schooling. This usually takes the mother out of circulation, involving all her time and energy in providing schooling for her children, it denies the children the natural opportunity to make friends and learn the language in a local school environment, it removes the possibility of the many opportunities to meet people through school contacts – other parents, going to play with classmates, at parents’ meetings, getting involved in school and local life.
Home schooling also communicates to local people that you think you are somehow superior, that the normal way of life is not good enough for your children, but the rest of us mere mortals just have to put up with it. Croatian people do not have that option. Anything we can share with them, good and bad, is a relationship builder. In answer to the question about our children’s education, perhaps the best education is to grow up in a multi-cultural environment and not to be isolated at home, mixing with a very limited group of ex-pats. Life is full of challenges and we need to allow our children to meet and overcome them – we cannot protect them from everything and the sooner they learn that the better.
Also - and VERY KEY – we have to be careful who we compare ourselves with. If we look west, we may think we are hard up, if we look east and south, we come to realize what a tremendous privilege we have, what incredible opportunities we and our children have in this country, which most children in this world do not have. The fact that they will grow up bi-lingual and cross-cultural is also a huge plus in their lives. I have seen many families who leave Croatia when their children get to the stage of high school or university. Why? Don’t you think it is possible to study here? Thousands do, and many even come from other countries (Africa and Asia) to study here. Do you think the only chance your children will have is in your home country? I have seen children who are forced to go back to their parents’ home country (it is not theirs note well, if they have grown up here and spent most of their life here) because of their parents’ prejudices. Why not let them continue their lives here, where they are at home, where their friends are, where in the end they can be much more effective for the Lord than their parents because they know the language and culture so much better..
Similar to this is the issue of doctors and hospitals, and especially having babies. I had four babies in Zagreb in the normal, national health hospital, and it was fine. I also had four miscarriages which were treated there – and again, it was fine. The food was horrible, but hey! I think it is again a huge mistake for women to go elsewhere to have their babies. There is a tremendous bond that exists between women who have had a similar experience. If we want to bond with local women, they need to know we understand where they are coming from. As soon as they ask us where our children were born, a huge gulf appears if we say “In America”, “In England”, “In…. wherever”, but there is a huge identification when we mention a local hosptial and we find an enormous amount of material for conversation, laughter and tears.
The whole concept of “missionary” is something that creates confusion and alienation for most people. After my first year spent in language school I was supposed to enroll as a “guest student” in order to get a visa and basically spend my time meeting people, sharing the gospel, leading Bible studies, spending one-on-one time with girls etc. When people asked me what I did, I said I was a student, which was incomprehensible to them. How much more difficult is it to explain what a “missionary” does all day. After a while I realized I needed a job for the sake of credibility, like J. Hudson Taylor – to have a natural path to make relationships, to serve in some capacity, to be credible. God was in this – I got a job in a local language school. Not long after that I started going out with my husband (not related to the job!) which of course gave me the most credibility of all!!
In my years at a bi-lingual, international service, I got to know many foreigners who were here for many different reasons. Some were missionaries, some were here on business, some were married to locals. Those who were here on business had largely chosen to come here so they could work AND serve God. I have to say that three men, who had extremely high powered and demanding jobs, managed to be more effective in the church and out of it than most of the full time missionaries. How is that possible? Mindset? Natural opportunities to get to know people, acceptance by local people?
There is a form of mindset – which I actually heard expressed and discussed, which asks, “Is it possible to be real friends with Croats?” – in other words, Croats are our “subject” – our “target”, and other missionaries (if possible of the same nationality as us) are our “friends”. Of course anyone you meet is immediately aware of your attitude to them – do you see them as “targets” or as real people, just like you, with the same strengths and weaknesses, fears and joys? Do we see ourselves as having different needs? I will never forget my roommate’s reaction when I came home from a weekend away (that only I as a foreigner could afford), because I was “tired”. She simply said “Don’t you think we get tired sometimes too?” This exploded in my head – of course! Who am I to think my needs are greater than hers? Why are there conferences organized specifically for missionaries, but so few for local people? Thank God for the "Daughters of the King" conference here – the first conference for women who are not missionaries. Of course I know that missionaries and/or ex-pats have needs that local women don’t understand. But we have to be careful not to flaunt those needs. We have to recognize their needs – perhaps in meeting them, we will meet our own needs too. I have felt hurt here too, so I can imagine how Croatian women feel – I am not perceived as a “missionary” so I am overlooked in terms of “missionary” events.
Usually missionaries have vastly greater financial resources than local women. This can be very hurtful if it is flaunted, even unconsciously. You may think you are living on the edge, but do you live in a big flat, drive a nice car, wear nice clothes, go home every couple of years…. And many other signs that are all too obvious. How can we understand what it is like to live in two rooms with our parents-in-law and two children, to have to survive on one salary of 1000 dollars, pay back a loan in Swiss francs, be so constantly in the red, etc. etc. which is the normal everyday life of most people around us?
What do you think the reader can take away from this, to learn in relation to their own mission?
I think the key thought that inspires me is Jesus Himself – He came to earth as a normal human being. He was God Almighty, but He was born as a baby into a poor family at a time when life was not very comfortable. He could have been born at any time in human history, but He chose a time when there was no electricity, no Internet, no mains water, no cars… He made no special “allowances” because after all He was God – in fact He lived more humbly than most people around Him (he had “no place to lay his head…”). Incarnation – true identification with where we are – is key.
About Janet : I was born in London, grew up in Surrey, and studies English and German at Southampton University. I became a committed Christian in my first year at University through the Navigators (an international, inter-denominational para-church organization). I taught English for two years after graduating from University, and God led me to come to Zagreb to work with the Navigators for three years in 1984. I met my husband Tomislav in 1985 and we were married in 1988. We have been living in Zagreb since and have four children. I have worked as an English teacher, but now work as a translator, and we also run a charity shop (the first of its kind in Croatia) selling donated goods for charity – donating money to people in need.
Don't forget to link up at A Little R & R Wednesdays - a linky party from Wednesdays to Tuesdays!
Do you have a question related to missions? Feel free to contact me via email, comment below or visit my Facebook page to ask your question. It will be featured here during our fall Answer the Call series!
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Linking up with some these blogs:
M: Motivation Monday, Gracelaced Mondays, Playdates at the Wellspring, Mom's the Word; Matrimonial Mondays, Momma Notes T: Time Warp Wife, Titus2 Tuesdays, Women Helping Women, Mercy Ink, Character Corner W: Women Living Well, Wisdom Wednesday, Wholehearted Wednesdays, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Deep Roots at Home, My Daily Walk In His Grace Th: Hearts For Home, Thrive at Home, Serving Joyfully, I Choose Joy F: Faith Filled Friday, TGIF Fridays, Faithful Fridays, Christian Fellowship FridayClick HERE to find out how you can receive a copy of my book 14 Days of Agape for free and purchase Worship the Father and Discovering True Identity .
Tell us a little bit about yourself:
My name is Janet Tuškan (Tooshcan) and I was born in London, U.K. I originally came to Zagreb in 1984 as an “international trainee” with the Navigators – an interdenominational, international organization that focused on discipleship and equipping people to make disciples through one on one mentorship and small groups. I was supposed to be here for 3 years, but in my second year I met my husband Tomislav, we got married in 1988 and now I have been here for most of my life. We have four children (aged from 23 to 15) and it would take too long to talk about them…
What have you observed is the most typical behavior of missionaries concerning the balance of relationships between other missionaries and the local people?
Before I came, when I was talking about it all with my mother, she expressed some irritation with my saying that I was coming to teach the people here what I had learned. I didn’t really understand why she found that annoying – after all I had learned a lot and I wanted to share it with others. What she saw in me was a certain amount of arrogance, the attitude that I was superior in some way to the people I was coming to serve – without really knowing anything about them, their culture, their lives…
In the 29 years I have lived in Croatia I have seen many missionaries come and go. I have witnessed many good and bad habits by missionaries in relation to building relationships with local people.
Since James Hudson Taylor is my hero and model in terms of missions, I am frequently reminded of how he left the missionaries on the coast, dressed as a China man (including dying his hair black and tying it in a pigtail) and went inland. He also offered the people a service – he was a doctor – and did not merely “preach” at them.
I am from Britain, so I am a European, and I believe this is a major advantage in relating to other Europeans – regardless of language or culture. I have noticed that Americans have much more difficulty adjusting to European and specifically Croatian culture. There seems to be an inbuilt attitude that their culture is superior and they have come to show the people here how to do things. I am sorry I have to say this, but this is my overriding feeling in relation to almost all the American missionaries I have met in these 29 years. I also came with that attitude – as my mother noticed – and it took some shock therapy for me to realize how arrogant I was and to see the people here as equal and in some ways superior to me – and certainly superior in their understanding of their own culture, desires, and needs.
Being married to a local, how do you feel this behavior is observed by the local people?
I have noticed especially that families find it hardest to merge with the culture. They are so tied up with their own lives they have little time or energy to get on with language learning or getting out to meet and spend time with local people. A huge trap as far as I am concerned is home schooling. This usually takes the mother out of circulation, involving all her time and energy in providing schooling for her children, it denies the children the natural opportunity to make friends and learn the language in a local school environment, it removes the possibility of the many opportunities to meet people through school contacts – other parents, going to play with classmates, at parents’ meetings, getting involved in school and local life.
Home schooling also communicates to local people that you think you are somehow superior, that the normal way of life is not good enough for your children, but the rest of us mere mortals just have to put up with it. Croatian people do not have that option. Anything we can share with them, good and bad, is a relationship builder. In answer to the question about our children’s education, perhaps the best education is to grow up in a multi-cultural environment and not to be isolated at home, mixing with a very limited group of ex-pats. Life is full of challenges and we need to allow our children to meet and overcome them – we cannot protect them from everything and the sooner they learn that the better.
Also - and VERY KEY – we have to be careful who we compare ourselves with. If we look west, we may think we are hard up, if we look east and south, we come to realize what a tremendous privilege we have, what incredible opportunities we and our children have in this country, which most children in this world do not have. The fact that they will grow up bi-lingual and cross-cultural is also a huge plus in their lives. I have seen many families who leave Croatia when their children get to the stage of high school or university. Why? Don’t you think it is possible to study here? Thousands do, and many even come from other countries (Africa and Asia) to study here. Do you think the only chance your children will have is in your home country? I have seen children who are forced to go back to their parents’ home country (it is not theirs note well, if they have grown up here and spent most of their life here) because of their parents’ prejudices. Why not let them continue their lives here, where they are at home, where their friends are, where in the end they can be much more effective for the Lord than their parents because they know the language and culture so much better..
Similar to this is the issue of doctors and hospitals, and especially having babies. I had four babies in Zagreb in the normal, national health hospital, and it was fine. I also had four miscarriages which were treated there – and again, it was fine. The food was horrible, but hey! I think it is again a huge mistake for women to go elsewhere to have their babies. There is a tremendous bond that exists between women who have had a similar experience. If we want to bond with local women, they need to know we understand where they are coming from. As soon as they ask us where our children were born, a huge gulf appears if we say “In America”, “In England”, “In…. wherever”, but there is a huge identification when we mention a local hosptial and we find an enormous amount of material for conversation, laughter and tears.
The whole concept of “missionary” is something that creates confusion and alienation for most people. After my first year spent in language school I was supposed to enroll as a “guest student” in order to get a visa and basically spend my time meeting people, sharing the gospel, leading Bible studies, spending one-on-one time with girls etc. When people asked me what I did, I said I was a student, which was incomprehensible to them. How much more difficult is it to explain what a “missionary” does all day. After a while I realized I needed a job for the sake of credibility, like J. Hudson Taylor – to have a natural path to make relationships, to serve in some capacity, to be credible. God was in this – I got a job in a local language school. Not long after that I started going out with my husband (not related to the job!) which of course gave me the most credibility of all!!
In my years at a bi-lingual, international service, I got to know many foreigners who were here for many different reasons. Some were missionaries, some were here on business, some were married to locals. Those who were here on business had largely chosen to come here so they could work AND serve God. I have to say that three men, who had extremely high powered and demanding jobs, managed to be more effective in the church and out of it than most of the full time missionaries. How is that possible? Mindset? Natural opportunities to get to know people, acceptance by local people?
There is a form of mindset – which I actually heard expressed and discussed, which asks, “Is it possible to be real friends with Croats?” – in other words, Croats are our “subject” – our “target”, and other missionaries (if possible of the same nationality as us) are our “friends”. Of course anyone you meet is immediately aware of your attitude to them – do you see them as “targets” or as real people, just like you, with the same strengths and weaknesses, fears and joys? Do we see ourselves as having different needs? I will never forget my roommate’s reaction when I came home from a weekend away (that only I as a foreigner could afford), because I was “tired”. She simply said “Don’t you think we get tired sometimes too?” This exploded in my head – of course! Who am I to think my needs are greater than hers? Why are there conferences organized specifically for missionaries, but so few for local people? Thank God for the "Daughters of the King" conference here – the first conference for women who are not missionaries. Of course I know that missionaries and/or ex-pats have needs that local women don’t understand. But we have to be careful not to flaunt those needs. We have to recognize their needs – perhaps in meeting them, we will meet our own needs too. I have felt hurt here too, so I can imagine how Croatian women feel – I am not perceived as a “missionary” so I am overlooked in terms of “missionary” events.
Usually missionaries have vastly greater financial resources than local women. This can be very hurtful if it is flaunted, even unconsciously. You may think you are living on the edge, but do you live in a big flat, drive a nice car, wear nice clothes, go home every couple of years…. And many other signs that are all too obvious. How can we understand what it is like to live in two rooms with our parents-in-law and two children, to have to survive on one salary of 1000 dollars, pay back a loan in Swiss francs, be so constantly in the red, etc. etc. which is the normal everyday life of most people around us?
What do you think the reader can take away from this, to learn in relation to their own mission?
I think the key thought that inspires me is Jesus Himself – He came to earth as a normal human being. He was God Almighty, but He was born as a baby into a poor family at a time when life was not very comfortable. He could have been born at any time in human history, but He chose a time when there was no electricity, no Internet, no mains water, no cars… He made no special “allowances” because after all He was God – in fact He lived more humbly than most people around Him (he had “no place to lay his head…”). Incarnation – true identification with where we are – is key.
About Janet : I was born in London, grew up in Surrey, and studies English and German at Southampton University. I became a committed Christian in my first year at University through the Navigators (an international, inter-denominational para-church organization). I taught English for two years after graduating from University, and God led me to come to Zagreb to work with the Navigators for three years in 1984. I met my husband Tomislav in 1985 and we were married in 1988. We have been living in Zagreb since and have four children. I have worked as an English teacher, but now work as a translator, and we also run a charity shop (the first of its kind in Croatia) selling donated goods for charity – donating money to people in need.
Don't forget to link up at A Little R & R Wednesdays - a linky party from Wednesdays to Tuesdays!
Do you have a question related to missions? Feel free to contact me via email, comment below or visit my Facebook page to ask your question. It will be featured here during our fall Answer the Call series!
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Linking up with some these blogs:
M: Motivation Monday, Gracelaced Mondays, Playdates at the Wellspring, Mom's the Word; Matrimonial Mondays, Momma Notes T: Time Warp Wife, Titus2 Tuesdays, Women Helping Women, Mercy Ink, Character Corner W: Women Living Well, Wisdom Wednesday, Wholehearted Wednesdays, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Deep Roots at Home, My Daily Walk In His Grace Th: Hearts For Home, Thrive at Home, Serving Joyfully, I Choose Joy F: Faith Filled Friday, TGIF Fridays, Faithful Fridays, Christian Fellowship FridayClick HERE to find out how you can receive a copy of my book 14 Days of Agape for free and purchase Worship the Father and Discovering True Identity .
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