Fall Query Extravaganza 4

I'll be doing a limited number of query critiques this fall. 

Right now I'm full up with queries but contact me in November on twitter if you want your query showcased. Participants must comment on as many queries as they can to pay it forward. All query critiques are subjective. And rabbits don't come out of my hat, but I'll do my best. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buy one and I'll throw in a set of free steak knives, just pay separate shipping and handling fees.

As sent to me:

 Dear God-like Agent:

After modern goddess Pandia travels through time and flirts with Julius Caesar, Cleopatra complains to the gods. Pandia’s father, Zeus, is tired of complaints about his daughter, and sentences her to community service in Italy. He’ll commute her sentence when she shows she values mortals more than herself.  Before she leaves, he makes her vow to observe, and remain uninvolved.
Pandia’s not worried about her punishment. She’ll show Daddy she respects mortals and have some fun with handsome young men while she’s doing her time. To her surprise, Zeus doesn’t send her to modern Italy to mend her ways. Pandia’s stripped of her goddess power and sent to ancient Pompeii.  When a misplaced knee connects with a lecherous official, the official enslaves Pandia in the gladiator barracks. Another mishap lands her in the local amphitheater’s center ring, a swarthy gladiator named Caladus by her side.

To escape Pompeii, Pandia will have to prove she’s learned her lesson. But showing Daddy she values mortals is way harder than she thought.  Worse, Caladus is making her reconsider her vow.  And Mt. Vesuvius is rumbling.

TWIST OF FATE is a NA Time Travel Romance, complete at 73,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
With crazy added comments:
 Dear God-like Agent: Perfect

After modern goddess Pandia travels through time and flirts with Julius Caesar, Cleopatra complains to the gods. I'm liking the humor of this, but I'm not certain what a modern goddess is. Or, the meaning didn't strike me immediately, though I get it now. Maybe: After thoroughly-21st-century goddess, Pandia ... Pandia’s father, Zeus, is tired of complaints about his daughter, and sentences her to community service in Italy. He’ll commute her sentence when she shows demonstrates? she values mortals more than herself. That would be a new trait for the gods. Never heard of them being too concerned for mortals before.  Before she leaves, he makes her vow to observe, and remain uninvolved. Wouldn't that make it hard for her to get her sentence commuted?
Pandia’s not worried about her punishment. She’ll show Daddy she respects mortals and have some fun with handsome young men while she’s doing her time. To her surprise, Zeus doesn’t send her to modern Italy to mend her ways. Pandia’s stripped of her goddess power and sent to ancient Pompeii. I'd end the paragraph here and move the next part down. But maybe tack something witty on the end first. No cell phones, no fashion sense, and no flitting wherever she chooses. Something that shows her priorities a little better.  When a misplaced knee connects with a lecherous official, the official enslaves Pandia in the gladiator barracks. Another mishap lands her in the local amphitheater’s center ring, a swarthy gladiator named Caladus by her side. 

To escape Pompeii, Pandia will have to prove she’s learned her lesson. But showing Daddy she values mortals is way harder than she thought.  Worse, Caladus is making her reconsider her vow.  And Mt. Vesuvius is rumbling. Ha! Adorable!

TWIST OF FATE is a NA Time Travel Romance, complete at 73,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration. The classic ending!
This query sold me. Chalk it up to subjectivity, but I'd read this in a flash! It has voice and humor, sets the stakes well. Maybe a touch more of what motivates Pandia and I'm sold.