Developing Friendships in a New Culture

If there is one mistake I've made in integrating into a new culture it's been in balancing friendships.

The area of relationships in on the mission field is a very delicate balance: the relationship with of a missionary with his peers and colleagues and his relationships with the local people he serves.

This balance is very difficult to maintain as the tendency is to one extreme or the other.


My fear of never fully integrating led me to completely reject all relationships with other local missionaries.  Looking back now, I am so very sorry that I never reached out to them.  I knew of a community of missionaries and, in fact, attended language school one dear missionary couple - but a misguided sense of loyalty to the local people I was serving drove me to reject any friendship they offered.

While my intentions were good, they were carried out in an extreme that was neither required nor healthy.


The other extreme is to latch on to the familiarity of colleagues and peers, while failing to form deep and lasting friendships with those you came to serve.


I believe both are rooted in fear.


My failure to cultivate friendships with my colleagues most certainly was.  I was afraid of finding such comfort and familiarity among them that I would fail to form lasting friendships with my Croatian sisters in Christ.  And I believe that the other extreme is born out of a fear of what is not familiar: language and culture.  Perhaps a fear of saying the wrong thing, of being misunderstood, or of not understanding what is going on around you.

I understand that fear very well.

I clearly remember sitting in a coffee bar, surrounded by my Croatian friends, not understanding one word over the din of music in English.  As the English lyrics filled my brain, they blocked out the few Croatian phrases I knew.  Besides the fact that no one was speaking to me anyway. I felt very alone. Forgotten. So, I just got up and walked out.

It was hard. Very hard.

But I knew that the next time I had to try again.

And yet, perhaps I would have had an easier time of it had I reached out to other American and English missionaries who were facing the same struggles as I.  Perhaps, had I known that I wasn't walking this path alone - that the emotional ups and downs were normal, that the buckets of lonely tears I cried were to be expected, and that the struggle to fit in, only to be reminded that I was different and stood out in a crowd, was worth it all in the end - I think my road would have been a lot easier.

In your effort to integrate into a new culture - do not forget the value of your colleagues.  Do not turn them away.  Communicate with one another. Share your struggles, your fears and your successes.  Lean on each other and help bear each others' burdens!

Yet, do not allow the fear of the unknown or fear of failure to hold you back from cultivating friendships with those you serve.  Value them. Reach out to them. Allow them to correct your mistakes.  Laugh with them at you . Come along side of them and go about the Kingdom work together!

**Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


  Do you have a question related to missions?  Feel free to contact me via email, comment below or visit my Facebook page to ask your question.  It will be featured here during our fall Answer the Call series!




 
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