MADE OF STARS — CHAPTER FIVE

GabrielLet me tell you a bit about Sinclair.He looks my age. Sixteen. But he's been around maybe two hundred years. So when you think about people living forever…well, if you follow all the vampire lore—that stuff is ridiculous. What, you might ask, is the big advantage to living a long time? You continue to learn.Especially for someone like Sinclair, who has a brain that is unbelievable. He's like Tesla or something. And instead of getting old and feeble and being unable to follow his inventions to the end, Sinclair just keeps plugging away. People don't think about that. They don't think about what vampires have to offer the world, especially genius vampires. So I feel bad telling Sinclair that his experiment was an awful and terrible and horrible and awful and horrible idea. Because he's worked on it forty years. And he's so excited to get my feedback, and to hear all about it.  And he's also happy to know that I walked through the edge of town and returned without melting my brain.But my heart. God, my heart. "You made it too real," I tell him.Sinclair is leaning over my bed, and his eyes are full of excitement. He's just bubbling over with excitement. His dark hair is tied back, and his glasses are smudge. "It has to be real," he says, laughter in his voice. And by God, he just has no idea. No idea how awful this is."It's too real," I say again."The idea is to experience life and love and family. That's what it's all about. It has to be real." I shake my head.  He guides a cup of water to my hand, and I take a few sips, pass it back to him, then let my head drop to the pillow. "My heart is breaking," I whisper. "It's breaking.""You'll get over it," he tells me, talking as if he knows about love."I don't think I will. I don't think a person can get over something like this. To have loved them. My family. And now she is out there, with no memory of me. And our children. I can't bear to think that they never really existed. Did they?" I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes, then look up. "Did they? I'm so confused.""No, they never lived." He grabs a stool with wheels and pulls it close while perching on it.  He's thinking.  "What if I can make you forget? That would be easy. Just a little tweak to the memory center of your brain.  I can hit it with my eyes closed. The sweet spot. I'll just erase your little vacation. Your little trip to paradise." And now he's getting excited again. And I'm thinking he really needs to go over there himself so he will understand, so this will be more than just a game to him."Erase my children?" I say. "I can't believe you even suggested that."He doesn't get it. I can see it in his face. But Sinclair is all about solving problems.  "Will you still be my beta tester?  I can send you over again. I can send you over as many times as you want."It's tempting. God, how tempting. But I think about Lila. I think about how she kind of knew me, kind of recognized me. What would more visits do to her? And me. What about me? How many times could my heart break?  "No. That’s a bad idea," I say. "A really bad idea." Sinclair looks disappointed. He fumbles in his lab coat for a cigarette. He lights it with a Zippo lighter, snapping the metal closed with a satisfied click. I've seen this display hundreds of times, and I still don't know if it's affectation or habit. "But I wouldn't mind going back sometimes," I say. "To see her. Not talk to her. Not marry her. Nothing like that. Just see her. From a distance."Sinclair blows a cloud of smoke at the ceiling. "I can do that," he says. But I can tell he's disappointed. I'm his beta tester.***If you missed any of the chapters, just click on the Made of Stars label below to take you to previous chapters. Purchase links to iTunes, Amazon, and B&N can be found under CHAPTER ONE.