A second-rate solution to the tyranny of the thank you note

Look. A machine that will hand write a thank you note for you. The near-perfect solution to the tyranny of the thank you note.

It really isn’t a bad solution. I just have a couple that are better. But before I offer them, please let me be clear:

I write thank you notes all the time and have no problem with anyone who does. My beef is with the tyrannical expectation of the thank you note and the bate-biting, gossip-mongering, reputation-bashing that takes place if you fail to adhere to the custom.

Basically, if you are the kind of person who awaits a thank you note and proceeds with negativity when it fails to arrive, you are my target. You are the person for whom these solutions are required.

With that said, I offer two alternate solutions to the thank you note machine:

Ignore the lunatic traditionalists who believe that in addition to a verbal thank you, a written one is required in order for you to avoid being labeled a loathsome, uncouth jerk. Accept the label and move on. If someone hands you a gift, and you open it and say “Thank you,” only a moron would expect you to follow up this exchange with written appreciation. Send a note if you’d like, but the expectation that you will send a thank you note when a verbal thank you has been made is insane.
Send the thank you note via email. Once again, it is likely that doing so will cause a certain segment of the public to label you as unrefined and rude, but I make it a habit of ignoring idiots. It’s the words that matter. Not the medium upon which they are conveyed. In fact, I am likely to express a deeper and more meaningful sentiment through email, since my word count is unlimited. Once again, only a moron would consider an electronic thank you note insufficient.

The thank you note machine is nice, but only if you find the need to conform to the expectations of morons.

I recommend avoiding this at all costs.