Life Cycle of a Critic

0-4 years: If it has puppets, it’s awesome.

4-10 years: If it has animation, it’s awesome.

10-15 years (onset of hormones): If it has a sexually attractive lead character, it’s awesome.

15-20 years (onset of pretentious asshatness): If it quotes Proust or Joyce or, ideally, both, it’s awesome.

20-25 years (onset of drug and alcohol use): If it has puppets, it’s awesome.

25-35 years (re-emergence of pretentious asshatness coupled with newfound despair over life’s fragility): Anything cheerful can go die in a fire.

35-45 years (onset of parenthood): If it has puppets and lets me sleep, it’s awesome.

45 years-onward (onset of wiseness): You know what? Puppets are objectively awesome.