Are You Pretty Enough?
Jennifer Tress was 42 years old and had been married for two years when she discovered that her husband was having an affair. When she confronted her him with his behavior, he responded by blaming her for being, “not pretty enough.”
Jennifer has written about her experiences and more importantly, about women and self esteem in what is now a best selling book. I don’t know Jennifer, but I’m really proud of how she’s turned her husband’s selfishness into a way to encourage other women. You can read more about Jennifer and her book here.
What struck me about Jennifer’s story is how tragically common it is. I hear that kind of junk all the time from both men and women:
The woman who thinks her husband’s infidelity is somehow her fault. If she were only prettier or skinnier or sexier . . . .
The man who lost his wife because he couldn’t support her spending habits or “make her happy.”
And so to all of you, perhaps like Jennifer, who have been on the receiving end of such marital nonsense, I’d like to offer the following encouragement:
The purpose of marriage is never happiness; it’s holiness. Happiness is superficial and short-lived. No marriage, no matter how good, can ultimately fulfill a person. It may be true that you can be a better spouse. I know I could be. But it’s not true that your spouse’s happiness is your responsibility.
If your spouse leaves you for another person, it says nothing about you and everything about him or her . Husbands who sleep with other women don’t do so because they have bad or ugly or overweight or nagging wives. They do so because they’re selfish and have misplaced priorities. They may indeed have a bad or ungrateful or self-centered wife, but that is never grounds for infidelity. (And BTW–there are no grounds for infidelity.) Men and women who cheat do so because something in their character is broken. They can’t blame their spouse. Infidelity (and fidelity) is always a choice.
You’re value doesn’t rest in how pretty you are or how much money you make . We are bombarded with messages that the physical and the temporal matter. That tight butts and big breasts and six-pack abs and bulging biceps and fast cars and nice clothes and exclusive club memberships and flying first class and nice homes are some kind of indicator of, or even worse, determiner of our value. That a girl could actually not be pretty enough or a guy not successful enough.
Let me be very clear about this one: That’s a lie straight from hell.
Your value has nothing to do with how much you make or how you look. Your value lies in the fact that you are made in the image of God, that he created you with an eternal soul, and that he has already deemed you valuable enough to die for, even if you choose to reject him.That’s the truth about you. And no man’s or women’s opinion or selfish behavior can or will ever change that.
You’re pretty enough. You’re rich enough. You’re successful enough. And you’re ALREADY loved.
