What We Pass Down to Our Children

I put this story on Facebook the other day, but I think it’s relevant to our discussions here at PBOK:

Should I file this incident under *Outrageous Rudeness* or *Wow–So THAT’S Why*? On Monday night, I attended an academic awards ceremony at my son’s school. The auditorium was packed. Many people had to stand at the back, including my husband and me. This meant a small, seated group behind us would have to look between us to see the stage, which was really far away.

No one liked having to do that–we were all apologizing like crazy to each other–except for this one woman. She kept yelling, “Get out of the way!” So everyone did their best to squeeze together so she could see.

Anyway…another woman came in with an elderly lady pushing a walker. Literally, the only place left to go was in front of the shouting woman. So the shouting woman did her thing. She yelled, “Get out of the way!” And the escort to the elderly lady said, “She’s 97-years-old. There’s no place left to stand.” And the shouting lady said–I kid you not–”I don’t care if she’s 200 years old! MOVE!”

My husband was pinned behind a bunch of people. I was able to maneuver around a bit, and I felt compelled to speak to the shouting lady. I went over to her, lowered my glasses, which I wear to see long distances, and said, “Ma’am. We’re all doing the best that we can.” And she did her thing, yelling and being rude. No surprise.

But what *was* a surprise was the fact that I noticed, for the first time, that the poor person who’d come in with her was one of my former students. This student was the meanest, rudest, most upsetting student I have ever had. But she was also smart. Smart must run in their family because obviously they were at the academic awards ceremony, cheering someone on.

I smiled at my student. But inside my heart was breaking for her. Because I had just found out why she was such an unhappy girl when I knew her. And it bothered me all night thinking about how adults definitely communicate their philosophy of life to their children…and if that adult is a mean-spirited person, then the child might very well turn out that way, too.

I hope my student, now that’s she grown up and likely in college, can see now how the world reacts to ugly behavior of the type her mother/grandmother/relative displayed. I hope she’s able to break the cycle.

How much were you influenced as a child by the atmosphere in your home? Do you remember any specific instances where you acted a certain way because you saw an adult at home act that way? And do you see you children doing the same, imitating you?

Hi, I’m Kieran. My family loves music and anything that makes us laugh out loud. Along with Chuck, my husband of 24 years, I try to teach our kids that we have to actively choose happiness–and if I accomplish nothing else as a mom but pass that one lesson along to them, then I think I’ve done my job. My oldest guy, Nighthawk, was diagnosed in kindergarten with Asperger’s syndrome, and now he’s a senior in college; his sister Indie Girl, who’s younger by 16 months, is a college junior; and my youngest, Dragon, is in tenth grade. For our family, it’s about managing your weaknesses and wringing everything you can get out of your strengths. And along the way, finding joy. www.kierankramerbooks.com