meditating on vulnerability

there is a medicine

to staying open

feeling the pain

and staying present anyway

loving

anyway

heart aching

body cries out to clench down

closing seems safer

but over years and miles and trails of tears

I have learned

closing down carries its own price

searing

the light that hits my

darkest places

illuminates

i’m struck dumb

sit reeling

feeling

this is what

open

is

I pray the prayer of

I am safe, I am whole, I am safe, I am broken, I am safe, I am open, I am safe

the

I am safe

the central practice

healing into the center

i attempt to

uncurl

unfurl

expand the edges of this timid core

cuore

cor

heart

of courage

I push my fingers into my midline

hit the spine

pull fingers out to the

point

of ribs

protection hasn’t served

maybe exposure

of the vulnerable spots

will

i practice

breathing

I am safe. I am open. I am broken. I am whole.

this is a prayer.