How bad is bad?
A recent post by a friend on Facebook got me wondering about back stories on heroes. The point of her post was why the heroes of BDSM stories have to have such terrible backgrounds. She wondered why sadists and masochists couldn't just be normal people with happy family lives below their preferred sexual leaning. Well, I don't personally know any sadists or masochists so I have no idea if they have wear slippers and stroke little puppies in their cosy homes. Maybe they do. But it raised the point in my mind as to how far we writers should go down the path of creating horrible back story for our heroes - and heroines.
I have to admit - I do like to give people tortured pasts. When I tried to think if any of my characters have loving normal parents - I drew a blank. If they did, I'd usually killed them off. Though the Trueblood clan have loving parents, don't they? Not sure if it counts if they are vampires. Plus they had to send their kids away to keep them safe, so maybe they don't count either. I suspect Addie - out of Doing the Right Thing - has the worst mother - the woman didn't love her at all. Though Ash in An Ordinary Girl - her mother was - ah - better not give that story away. Even Charlie's mother in Strangers - had her moment.
So why do I like to write about cruel people? I think maybe it's to show how the hero or heroine can rise above that cruelty and be a good person, that just because you had a bad childhood, it doesn't mean you'll be unhappy as an adult. We're all responsible for our own happiness. Life's too short to give up on smiling. I just like to make my characters suffer to find their HEA.
And because this picture makes me smile - maybe it will make you smile too! of course moments later, Charlotte the Golden Retriever, threw up on the rug!
I have to admit - I do like to give people tortured pasts. When I tried to think if any of my characters have loving normal parents - I drew a blank. If they did, I'd usually killed them off. Though the Trueblood clan have loving parents, don't they? Not sure if it counts if they are vampires. Plus they had to send their kids away to keep them safe, so maybe they don't count either. I suspect Addie - out of Doing the Right Thing - has the worst mother - the woman didn't love her at all. Though Ash in An Ordinary Girl - her mother was - ah - better not give that story away. Even Charlie's mother in Strangers - had her moment.
So why do I like to write about cruel people? I think maybe it's to show how the hero or heroine can rise above that cruelty and be a good person, that just because you had a bad childhood, it doesn't mean you'll be unhappy as an adult. We're all responsible for our own happiness. Life's too short to give up on smiling. I just like to make my characters suffer to find their HEA.
And because this picture makes me smile - maybe it will make you smile too! of course moments later, Charlotte the Golden Retriever, threw up on the rug!
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Unfortunately having a messed up family is the norm and I think it empowers people who have lived through a horrible child hood.
Well, it either empowers them or destroys them! I suppose we're far more likely to let it empower them if we're writing about damaged individuals because otherwise the story would be too gloomy though there is a trend for stories with heroes who are so messed up, it's a wonder they can get out of bed in the morning. As for writing BDSM material - I think it requires more thought and research than many authors realize. Too easy to generalise. I've read posts from those in that world that reckon they are totally normal. They may well be, it's just that it's outside my understanding. Which is another reason that I'd only dabble on the edges of BDSM in my writing.
perhaps we all like knowing that, no matter how bad you have had it - the power to have more is yours and everyone deserves that HEA - no matter that people in your life may have told you didn't? speaking for myself - i got the HEA without understanding how horrible I had it - some don't know until the good in your life suddenly opens your eyes to the bad... excuse the tangent. Reading about the "normal" people getting the good makes those of us who don't fit that "normal" - be it by size, personal angst, trauma, or plain old bad family - always wonder if we are good enough for that... or that could just be me..
Everyone does deserve a HEA (well I guess unless you're s sadistic serial killer but luckily not many of those around) - and I think you're right that sometimes you don't recognize what you have at the time. I had loving kind parents - but they weren't without fault. My mother pushed me very hard - wanting for me what she didn't get herself. Her motive was good, her method, not so good. I was a very unhappy teenager but looking back, I know I was lucky. Even so, if I was repeating it all again, I suspect it would be the same. Me on the outside looking in.
I had the opposite. what I thought was a good relationship, I learned was dependent on me doing all that they said and only that. and once I stopped because I had the nerve to be loved and to love a man they deemed "beneath me" (yes, really) they found ways to push us away. it's been almost 7 years since they have spoken to us or our children (one of whom they said was worse than a cancer and should be cut out of our lives... this would be the one who currently serves in the US Navy and has been promoted twice in 2 years) and although the knowledge that the parents don't love us hurts daily, our lives are better for it.. and we got our HEA and hold strong to that every single day (and 26 years later - it still works very well)
Good for you!!! You really have risen above it and I salute you for it. Love trumps everything and I feel sorry for what your parents have missed out on.
I'm sorry, I sort of lost track of the original question.. my point was - so many people have something they regret or wish they could change or something they have overcome/will overcome/should overcome that even though reading is an escape - being able to relate is very important. if every story were a cut out of the same plot line - good girl gets nice guy.. live HEA.. it would get a bit depressing thinking you didn't deserve one because you didn't fit the mold..
You're right, Laurie. There does need to be something to relate too otherwise you don't involve the reader in the story.
Only serial killers and sadistic ilk of that kind like to inflict pain and we all know that 99% of them come from abusive homes, so only wounded people indulge in BDSM because its the only way for them to express their feelings.
Annabel Joseph hero Jeremy from Comfort Object is a sadist and a famous actor who came from a good family, no abuse, no being molested by the older kid next door he is just wired that way.
Plus I think, not to take away anything from an author but I think its like giving the Dom and the Sub a free pass, if only she wasn't beaten as a child or if only they weren't touched then they would be normal.
Just like the joke about strippers over here in the States everyone thinks they have daddy issues or were sexually abused as a child, some I guess just like dancing naked or semi naked for men and love the attention and the money.