You can’t motivate a motivator.
This blog is for all of you poor souls who are in a relationship in some way to a person who is a motivational expert, self-help guru, or any type of person who helps others to live better. Surely you see them have moments when they actually struggle with the motivation to do what they know is in alignment with their highest goals. This blog is to help you understand how you then can motivate them!
Um, you can’t.
Let me demonstrate this with a recent interaction with my husband and step-daughter. Allow me to set the scene: it is a Saturday, and for the one millioneth day in a row, it is raining incessantly. Oh, and it is also chilly and windy. This is the day I had planned to run the longest run yet of my career as a step in the direction for running a marathon in the Fall. Not only do I want to run the marathon, I want to run it strong and easy, with great joy. This means a lot of training and a lot of miles over 26.2 in order to accomplish this goal, and I am well on my way.
OK, back to the crappy weather. I am dressed for the run, filled with dread, and looking out the window. My sweet husband tries to help. Here’s how it went:
Brian: “Hey, what was that great quote you told me you saw on Twitter the other day about roadblocks?”
Amy: “Obstacles. It was about obstacles.” Then, in the most monotonous, robotic voice I could summon (in order to demonstrate just how uninspired I was by it presently), I repeated the quote, “Obstacles are those things we see when we take our eyes off of the goal.”
*Pause*
Amy: “Hey, don’t quote me back to myself! It’s annoying!”
Brian [laughing]: “OK, OK, well sweetie, why don’t you just stay home, relax on the sofa, and I’ll cook you dinner?”
Amy, looking back at the clock: “It’s 3:30 in the afternoon. Even your parents don’t eat dinner this early.”
*Pause*
Amy: “Hey, don’t use reverse psychology on me! It won’t work.” [Pouts]
Then Katelyn tries to help: “Oh, Amy, think about that cool picture you showed me on Facebook this morning. You know, the one where your comfort zone was in one circle and where the magic happens was in another circle? Think of that to get you out of the door.”
*Pause*
Amy: “Katelyn, you don’t need to tell me about something I showed you just a few hours ago. But thanks for trying to help.” [Growls]
The bottom line is this: when you are the one normally motivating people, you know all of the mental tricks and even truths that help you to push through the barriers. So having people repeat back to you the inspirational message that you either generated or found in someone else is not only unhelpful, but extremely annoying. So while we (speaking for all motivational people, which I am sure they appreciate) greatly love you for your support and desire to help, please remember that we are still human although we often seem to make superhuman choices. There is very little anyone can say that will change our minds; we know we either have to shut up and do it or sit down and eat dinner at 3:30 and feel like a total loser. Please love us either way and don’t taunt us for a moment of human weakness.
And, oh, I did find the inner strength to get out there and do it. I ran 16 miles, in constant rain and cold wind. I got a lot of honks; people either admire me or think I am an escapee from an insane asylum. (I think I had said earlier in the day, “Only crazy people go running in this crap.”) My legs were in so much pain for the last mile that I cried really hard while running, which is a weird sensation (and not one I recommend). But I am stronger for it and I trust myself to meet these challenges head on. Good thing I had my superhero cape to keep me dry for the first 20 seconds. I guess you could say that a little magic happened after all.
