When “deserve” doesn’t serve you
I was recently accompanying my mother and daughter on a shopping trip in a well-known department store. Per my prediction, my mother was roped into a cosmetic chair for a makeover faster than you could say “Dior!” Within seconds, my 11-year-old was also swept away by one of the cosmetic specialists, being told how beautiful she was and how much fun it was going to be to give her a make-over (you know, because that’s what 11-year-olds need). These two events only solidified my curmudgeon attitude towards this whole routine (I’ve seen my mother sold more beauty products than I care to discuss) and I decided to wait patiently. Oh, how silly of me!
Yet another woman showed up and insisted on removing all of the make-up I had applied just an hour earlier and re-doing my face completely. “I’m not going to buy anything; I’m just here with them,” I tried to tell her. “Oh no, it’s just fun!” she lied, knowing she would go in for the jugular at the end, acting dismayed and personally disappointed when I failed to purchase overpriced “miracle” products made from a 400-year-old vine in France.
“But you deserve this!” she said at the end, appealing to my most entitled, insecure self and implying that I was sort of ugly without these products. It amused me how much that tactic did not work on me. I also found it disgusting; salespeople who only care about pushing their customers into buying things they don’t want or need are despicable in my book. And ones who prey on women’s insecurities and desire to be beautiful….well, I guess I think those are the lowest of the low.
Bottom line: how often do we talk ourselves into overspending, overeating, overdrinking (name your poison) because we have convinced ourselves that we deserve it? For many of us, it is a lot. And it is usually connected to an entitlement we feel because we are stressed or feel that we are suffering in some way. But, of course, “deserve” in this sense really “de-serves” us because it only wreaks havoc in the end. So I invite you to be aware of the next time you justify something you think you deserve. Take a deep breath, think about the outcome, and then make your move.
