No...It Can't Be That Part II

Where were we?

Right. 12 year Doc said: It's your hips...torn labrums. I don't do that surgery. No one here does. You have to go to UCLA.

Me: Surgery? What about physical th-

Doc: Nope. They're torn. If you want to fix them, its surgery. 

It took two months to get an appointment at UCLA. 

Weird UCLA Doc's assistant tells me: She'll want to see your MRI.

Me: Ummm...well...I don't have that in my purse or anything. Can she get it from my last doctor?

Weird Assistant:  We don't do that. You have to get them and bring them with you.

Now, I don't know about you, but the last I heard this was the 21st century. The digital age. I can take a photo with my freaking phone and email it to my kids. Has this news not hit the medical profession?

Me: Don't they just email them or something?

Weird Assistant: No. You have to bring them. If it wasn't film you could FAX them.

FAX? Should I just strap them to a pigeons leg and have them flown over? WTF?

Two months later in UCLA Doc's office. My appointment was at 1:00. She saw me at 3:00

UCLA Doc: I looked at the MRI and you do have torn labrums on both sides.

Me: I know.

UCLA Doc: But, this isn't the right kind of MRI.

Me: There's a wrong kind?

UCLA Doc: Yep. I need the kind with contrast. This one doesn't have contrast. So, you'll need to get that done at your local doctors office and come back.

Me: This is UCLA. You don't do that here?

UCLA Doc: No...yeah...well...it's best if you just do it there and bring the films with you again when you come back.

Me: It took me two months to get this appointment. It's a two hour drive, one way. Plus I waited two hours in the waiting room.

UCLA Doc: I'll have my assistant give you priority.

That was reassuring. 

I head for the door.

UCLA Doc, pointing at my feet: You'll need to stop wearing those. 

Those would be my stilettos.

Me: That's not gonna happen. 

UCLA Doc, smiling: No, I'm not kidding. You can't wear those. You have a serious hip injury.

Me: I'm not kidding either. It's not gonna happen. Who's in charge now?

I thought she should know who she was dealing with. 

Everybody knows the way you look is WAY more important than your health. Duh. I wasn't born yesterday.

Another month later in UCLA Doc's office with the right kind of MRI, stilettos ON. My appointment was at 2:00. I saw the doctor at 4:00.

UCLA Doc: You need surgery.

Me: I know. I knew that before I got here. With the wrong kind of MRI.

UCLA Doc, not really listening: I do one hip at a time, three months apart. My assistant will book it.

Me to Weird Assistant: I need to book my surgery.

Weird Assistant: She books 2-3 months out.

Two and a half months later, surgery day arrives. 

It's been almost a year since my first doctors appointment. 

Hubby and I are driving to UCLA, my cell phone rings.

Me: Hello?

Voice on phone:  This is blah, blah, from Blue Shield. 

Me: Yes?

Blah, Blah from Blue Shield: I'm afraid your hip surgery isn't covered by your current insurance plan.