In Which I Am Having A Serious Case of Adolescent Identity Crisis

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This week in novel writing I have been tackling the dreaded Query and Short Pitch. For those who are not initiated into this most stress-inducing of rites, let me enlighten you. Or not. Everyone has a different idea of what works, and it is the ultimate game of “read the teacher’s mind,” trying to figure out whose solution will actually work. I have lost all confidence in my ability to write. I am convinced that I will never, ever, ever get my novel published, and in fact the only reason I get any freelance writing gigs is because I got lucky and now about three editors know I can hit a deadline.

In other words, I’m having a Don Music moment.

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Drama (Photo credit: sniggie)

This is ridiculous, of course, but recognizing excess drama for what it is doesn’t banish it, because the central problem remains: I can’t figure out how to distill my story into something that sets it apart from the slush pile. Despite the drama, I do believe in both the story and the writing…but how do I find the words that will get somebody to look at it? I am in desperate need of inSpiration. Please pray for me.

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You know how bad I’ve got the pubescent self-loathing bug? Right now I don’t even believe I have anything to say on my blog that anybody would want to read.

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So I think I’ll blog at least once, and maybe twice a week, on Down syndrome topics during the month of October, which is DS awareness month.

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Probably what I need is a few days’ distance from the book. And the timing on that is good, because I have quite a few nonfiction deadlines looming. But the way I’m feeling right now I’m more likely to turn a couple days’ space into a giant mental block. I am in serious danger of writing paralysis.

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my FLUTE (Photo credit: ken2754@Yokohama)

Okay, way too much navel gazing. Practice update: In the month of September I have practiced 16 days out of 26, for a total of 6 1/2 hours. I still shake my head when I think of spending three hours a day in a practice room, but I suppose that’s not bad, and I definitely feel my chops returning. The music is coming along nicely, too, and aside from the endurance question I’m relatively confident that I’ll be ready come spring. Now if only I could find an accompanist.

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To end on a positive note, I’ve been under 130 pounds ever since my horrible virus two weeks ago. And that’s a darned good thing, because Panera has pumpkin bagels and cherry vanilla bagels right now, and my world is a richer place for it…both in the experience and the calories.

If you made it through this self indulgent drama fest, congratulations. You win a prize, or something. Or not. :/