Losing Weight Without Losing One's Identity
Now that I have had my heart attack it is imperative that I take off unwanted pounds.
Luckily, I have managed to take off about sixty pounds in three years and keep it off. And I have managed to lose another ten pounds since my heart attack.
You would think that would be cause for celebration, not consternation. But it does create something of a dilemma.
The first forty pounds or so was lost within the first year of a new job. Being out of work made everything behind in payment so I spent that first year catching up on the bills. I didn't eat a lot because you've got to feed that wolf at the door before you feed yourself, otherwise he will huff and puff, blow your door down and then eat you. So those first pounds were actually unintentional.
The last twenty pounds or so were more controlled. I was managing my Type II Diabetes quite well. I took my meds and walked every day. I cut out all junk food and was carefully monitoring my carbohydrate intake with the help of my doctor.
Believe it or not, just those small changes took off another unwanted thirty pounds in about three months.
None of my clothing fit. Which was a good thing. Unless, of course, you can't afford to go out and buy new clothes.
I'm not complaining. It really is very nice to be thinner.
The consternation comes from feeling like a stranger in my own body.
When you've been overweight all your life it is something you get accustomed to. When you find yourself slimming down, it feels very foreign.
I've lost weight before: 25-30 pounds or so. I'd find myself putting on jeans that were too big and I'd think, "my clothes don't fit." Next thing I'd know, every one of those pounds would be back on again.
Self-sabotage or idiocy?
I don't think so.
We all have a deep psychological need to feel comfortable in our own skin. When we don't, our subconscious sends us that message. We then subconsciously do whatever we must to regain that comfort.
Ergo, when I've lost weight in the past and wasn't comfortable with it, I subconsciously regained the weight to regain the comfort.
There really should be a psychological study on this. People who see-saw between losing and gaining back weight may be doing so because losing the weight just doesn't "feel right" or because being smaller feels strange. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
So what's different about it this time, besides the heart attack?
This time, I am aware of my psychological need to be comfortable in my own skin and what that really means.
It means I don't care what my clothes look like. If people don't like how my clothes are on me, they are more than welcome to buy me some new clothes.
It means focusing on how good it feels to be so much lighter, how much better I feel and how beneficial it is for my diabetes.
It means shutting off that subconscious voice that tells me how foreign it feels to not be so overweight.
It only feels foreign because it is different from what I am accustomed to. That doesn't mean I am foreign to me.
It is the concept of weight loss and the end result which is foreign.
There is a big difference between feeling foreign and actually being foreign to oneself. You don't have to lose your identity when you lose the weight. You are who you are no matter what your size.
Keeping that in mind when you do experience weight loss, make friends with the idea that you will look different and feel different. You are not the stranger in your own body: the excess weight is the unwanted guest. You're just getting it out of the house.
Luckily, I have managed to take off about sixty pounds in three years and keep it off. And I have managed to lose another ten pounds since my heart attack.
You would think that would be cause for celebration, not consternation. But it does create something of a dilemma.
The first forty pounds or so was lost within the first year of a new job. Being out of work made everything behind in payment so I spent that first year catching up on the bills. I didn't eat a lot because you've got to feed that wolf at the door before you feed yourself, otherwise he will huff and puff, blow your door down and then eat you. So those first pounds were actually unintentional.
The last twenty pounds or so were more controlled. I was managing my Type II Diabetes quite well. I took my meds and walked every day. I cut out all junk food and was carefully monitoring my carbohydrate intake with the help of my doctor.
Believe it or not, just those small changes took off another unwanted thirty pounds in about three months.
None of my clothing fit. Which was a good thing. Unless, of course, you can't afford to go out and buy new clothes.
I'm not complaining. It really is very nice to be thinner.
The consternation comes from feeling like a stranger in my own body.
When you've been overweight all your life it is something you get accustomed to. When you find yourself slimming down, it feels very foreign.
I've lost weight before: 25-30 pounds or so. I'd find myself putting on jeans that were too big and I'd think, "my clothes don't fit." Next thing I'd know, every one of those pounds would be back on again.
Self-sabotage or idiocy?
I don't think so.
We all have a deep psychological need to feel comfortable in our own skin. When we don't, our subconscious sends us that message. We then subconsciously do whatever we must to regain that comfort.
Ergo, when I've lost weight in the past and wasn't comfortable with it, I subconsciously regained the weight to regain the comfort.
There really should be a psychological study on this. People who see-saw between losing and gaining back weight may be doing so because losing the weight just doesn't "feel right" or because being smaller feels strange. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
So what's different about it this time, besides the heart attack?
This time, I am aware of my psychological need to be comfortable in my own skin and what that really means.
It means I don't care what my clothes look like. If people don't like how my clothes are on me, they are more than welcome to buy me some new clothes.
It means focusing on how good it feels to be so much lighter, how much better I feel and how beneficial it is for my diabetes.
It means shutting off that subconscious voice that tells me how foreign it feels to not be so overweight.
It only feels foreign because it is different from what I am accustomed to. That doesn't mean I am foreign to me.
It is the concept of weight loss and the end result which is foreign.
There is a big difference between feeling foreign and actually being foreign to oneself. You don't have to lose your identity when you lose the weight. You are who you are no matter what your size.
Keeping that in mind when you do experience weight loss, make friends with the idea that you will look different and feel different. You are not the stranger in your own body: the excess weight is the unwanted guest. You're just getting it out of the house.
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