Are You a Single Mother?
It was a weekend. My husband need to work again and I happened to have an event to attend. And as usual, I brought my kid along with me. It is a norm for me to attend events or invited reviews with the kid, cuz obviously I’m the only person who could handle the kid and no babysitters is trained enough to handle the behaviour of an autistic child. Can’t blame them. Even the father of the kid finds it a horrendous task to be alone with the kid for even two hours. I could still recall my husband complaining how the ‘kid disturbed him and giving him problems’ when I happened to have to ask him to take care of the kid for two hours during one of my non-child friendly food review session in Pavilion a month ago. He even had to come and look for me when the two hours is up with the kid in tow. Yes, the boy is that challenging and difficult to handle.
Well, thank God I have no more kids and decided not to have anymore kids for good. I can’t imagine myself having to handle newborns on my own 24/7. I’m not exactly a spring chicken anymore and I’m liable to die because of stress or go insane cuz kids just drive me crazy. I realized a tad too late that I’m more a wicked elder sister material than a mum. Such stress is toxic for the body, you know? I do wish to live a bit longer and enjoy what the world have to offer.
Anyway, enough of the rambling about things that I can never change. What I want to share with all of you today is my experience of being labeled a ‘single mother with a special need child’. Yea…I kinda get that pretty often these days. You know, well-meaning people often do ask me that. Even the teachers in my son’s school asked me that cuz some of the new teachers in school never seen my husband before and it is safe to say that my husband almost never make an appearance during the day…be it report card day or school trips. You see, his work no longer allow flexibility or time off, and I kinda stopped asking him to take time off to be involved in our son’s life. It’s too much a hassle to ask anyway. Why bother ask when you already know that it is pointless anyway? He even have to work on weekends these days. Full time at work and part time husband and father, as they say.
I used to be offended when people asked me if I’m a single mother or a divorcee, but not anymore. I get too much of those, and these days my replies are always casual. If I’m in the mood to entertain such personal question, I will spend some time explaining that my husband is busy working and his work requires him to work even on weekends and he can’t make it to accompany us during events/lunch/dinner/etc.
If I’m feeling cheeky, I’ll just say “What do you mean the boy is my son? He’s my kid brother. My mum is having a field day at spa and I got stuck babysitting him.” I usually get away with this too. Hehehe…the kid looks old enough to pass as my kid brother. Ah…the joy of having kids early. The older they get, the more they look like your siblings.
If I am not in the mood to entertain people,however, I will just nod and say “Yes, I’m a single mum” and stupid questions will just end there. You’ll be amazed how a “Yes” to those stupid question actually stops people from asking you more and more stupid question further. Usually if I answered a “No, I’m not a single mum, my husband is working”, people will press on and ask why he has to work on weekend, or why they never see him before. Or worst, people tend to ask me if I would be interested in having another child since my first one is a special need etc. You have no idea how tiring it is to smile and entertain stupid questions like that! Some people should just go and become a journalist and make money out of their busybody attitude.
I suppose I’m older now and I can’t really give a hoot on what people thinks of my marital status. Married or not married…it is none of anyone’s business, don’t you think? After all, I don’t think I’m alone in this department. There are loads of women out there who live their lives like a widow or a single mother because they are entrusted to take care of their kids on their own while their husbands goes outstation and stuff and only meet once a month or something. I realize it is normal for women to be ‘single’ even when they are married. No biggie. Such things has been ongoing for God knows how long.
Cleffairy: Would love to see the day when people starts asking men if they are single fathers instead. That would be an awesome thing to see.
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