Planeta Interview With Jake Eagle
Reology goes to Serbia
The Serbian bi-monthly science magazine Planeta (www.planeta.rs) introduces Reology to Serbia. Because of the interest in psychology and personal growth, this science magazine interviewed Jake Eagle about his book ReRight Your Life, and the practice of Reology and ReSpeak.
To read the article—in Serbian—click on the magazine cover.
The English translation of the interview is what follows:
PSYCHOLOGY: Interview with Jake Eagle, co-founder of Reology
It’s possible to re-do, and do again better
As a new psychological model, Reology is the art and science of redoing our lives. It provides a set of tools that allows us to re-view and re-interpret our past and present experiences through a new prism; when we adopt its recommendations, it’s possible for us to react in a healthier and more appropriate manner. About the principles of Reology, the Planet speaks with its co-founder, an American psychotherapist Jake Eagle
To err is human. We strive to be better, more successful and happier people, but still, we do many faults, we offend ourselves, and other people too. Could we correct our faults? Could we, in a repeated situation, react in a different way? Could we turn a conflicting relationship, which oppresses us, into connection? Yes, we could, responds Jake Eagle, an American psychotherapist and author of “ReRight Your Life – An Introduction to Reology”. Reology is a new psychological model which offers an alternative, tools for healthier relationships with ourselves and with others, a new way of “interpretation of reality.”
You won’t find the word “reology” in English language dictionaries. Etymologically, it’s a compound word with an emphasis on RE, an English prefix that indicates that something “is done again.” Jake Eagle created this term to refer to the art and science of redoing our lives. Namely, Reology provides a set of tools that allows us to re-view and re-interpret our past and present experiences through a new prism. Reology teaches us how to observe things in a different way. When we adopt its recommendations, it’s possible for us to react in a healthier and more appropriate manner, which produces vastly different results in our lives.
About that new psychological model speaks the author of “ReRight Your Life – An Introduction to Reology”, Jake Eagle. The interview has been conducted via e-mail.
Planet: Please tell us who is this book written for?
Jake Eagle: My book, “ReRight Your Life” is written for laypeople and therapists. The basic idea is to learn a new way to use language so that we are in more control of our lives and more in touch with ourselves.
Many people feel like they are victims in their lives, victims of difficult circumstances. And although I believe there are times when we are victims, such as being in a car accident or having a serious illness, I don’t think of adults as being victims in their relationships.
The way we teach people to use language, which we call, “ReSpeak,” helps people stop feeling and behaving like victims. Reology is a way to empower ourselves.
Planet: Could you compare it with some other contemporary psychotherapeutic approaches?
Jake Eagle: There are many therapeutic approaches, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, that help to empower people and allow them to think about their lives in more constructive ways. But the limitation I see with all therapy and even mindfulness practices is that they rely on our old way of using language. The traditional way of using language is very limited and tends to result in people feeling as if other people are doing things to them. Also, the regular way of using language doesn’t bring us into the present, it encourages us to spend a lot of time thinking and talking about the past and worrying about the future. That doesn’t happen when we use ReSpeak.
Most of our problems are created because we think about things, our lives, in a certain way. To really solve our problems, we need to change the level of our thinking. We need to learn to have a new conversation within our own heads, and with other people. That’s what Reology teaches us, how to have a completely different level of conversation.
Planet: In your book you also wrote that we have choice to redo and reright ourselves, even that we can replace a conflict with a connection.
Jake Eagle: This is the extraordinary thing about human beings, we can stop the way we are behaving in almost any moment and choose to behave differently. Reology teaches us how to do this with what we call a “re-do.” The way it works is that as soon as we realize we are not behaving the way we want, we stop, we ask ourselves how we want to behave, and then we start all over again. Learning to do this is one way to minimize conflict and stress in our relationships.
If you treat your partner poorly, and you feel badly about this, as soon as you realize that go back to your partner and say, “I want to do myself over again. I feel bad about the way I spoke to you and I want to say what I said in a more mature way.” People are almost always receptive to this.
Planet: Rethinking of our “distorted thinking”, and a new use of language are two key Reology’s “tools” for healthier and happier lives. Please explain the source and meaning of “distorted thinking”.
Jake Eagle: Let’s say that when I was a young boy, 10-years-old, my mother always took care of my emotional needs. She understood what I needed emotionally and made sure I was okay. Then, fast-forward 35 years. I’m a 45-year-old man married to a woman and when she does not take care of my emotional needs I get angry. I’m expecting her to take care of me the way my mother did, but she’s not my mother and I’m no longer a young boy.
If I am living with an idea of how I should be treated, but that idea is based on things from thirty-five years ago, that is distorted thinking. And distorted thinking leads to distorted behavior.
The point of Reology is make my thinking and behavior appropriate with the life I am living today.
Planet: You also wrote that we can use language to turn on and off different parts of our brains. Please give us some more details about that.
Jake Eagle: When we use language in the regular way, we often feel threatened or judged or criticized. When this happens, it triggers the more primitive parts of our brains to do one of three things: fight, freeze, flee (run away). These are appropriate responses when our life is truly in danger. But when we are relating with other people—even if we are having a disagreement—our life is not truly in danger.
As we learn to use ReSpeak, we stop stimulating the primitive brain. Instead we turn on the more modern part of our brain, the middle pre-frontal cortex, which is capable of responding in much healthier and more evolved ways. This allows us to resolve tension and conflict without getting defensive or argumentative. It is a very different way of relating with people and much healthier.
Planet: Reology is a radical reorientation in the way we think about life, about ourselves, about other people. You also quote Aldous Huxley: “Experience is not what happens to us, it’s what we do with what happens to us”…
Jake Eagle: Many things happen to us in the course of our lives. We may go to the doctor and get a diagnosis that we are diabetic. One person may respond to this by going into a depression and giving up hope, eating the wrong foods as a way to comfort him or herself. Another person may go to the doctor and get the same exact diagnosis, but that person takes this as a blessing, a warning sign that they have to start living a healthier life. They change their eating habits, take more responsibility to exercise, and begin to feel better than they have in many years.
The same experience, but two different ways or responding. Reology teaches us that we have many more choices than we might think. I’m not saying we can always choose, sometime terrible things do happen to people. But no matter what happens, we can choose whether or not to take responsibility for the ways we respond.
Planet: My next question is actually the title of one of your publications, that is “Why smart people struggle to be happy”?
Jake Eagle: The idea behind that publication is that there are many very smart people, but they have not stopped to learn the basis of how to be happy. This is sometimes harder for smart people because they are ambitious, they are striving to create more and more, they are often more judgmental—and all these traits can make it harder for them to be happy.
We teach these people to stop and reevaluate the way they are living their lives. We ask them to figure out what are the three or four things that are most important to them. And then we invite them to set their lives up so that they are aligned to make these most important things the focus of their lives. As a result, these “smart people” start to use their intelligence to create the things they really want in their lives.
Planet: Retreats are part of your practice. Describe us your last experience (where, how many people, maybe some individual example….)
Jake Eagle: Our last retreat was held at a beautiful ranch in New Mexico. It included much wilderness and wild life. There were no phone or computers. Everyone had a chance to disconnect from his or her busy lives. We practiced mindfulness techniques that helped people be very present and connect with themselves in a deep way.
The group was a total of twenty-two people, ranging in age from twenty-four to eighty-four. About one third of the people came with their life partners and they focused on improving their relationships. The rest of the people came as single individuals and focused on creating more emotional and mental health and balance in their lives.
We ate healthy food, did many interesting experiences, which are designed to help promote self-awareness. We coached people in how to use ReSpeak and after each experience we would sit around and practice talking in this new way. We danced and spent time in the hot tub. We came together and formed a special and close community, with many relationships likely to last a very long time.
After going back home, we all continue to stay in touch and practice what we learned. We use telephone conference calls and special email forums to stay in touch and practice what we learned. Many people profoundly changed their lives in ways they never thought possible. But when people learn Reology, many of the challenges they previously had simple cease to be.
Our next program will in Mexico, on the ocean side, in January of 2014. For more information, contact Jake Eagle: jake@reology.org
ReSpeak – The language of renewal
The special value of “ReRight Your Life” is that it is written in the form of a dialogue between the author Jake Eagle and his brother Tom. Namely, readers of a book are not in a position to argue with an author who represents or explains a new practice, nor they can ask questions, but this form of presentation, through an authentic conversation, corrects this deficiency. Here is an abridged excerpt from the book, in which Tom and Jake Eagle talk about one of the basic Reology tools, about ReSpeak and its basic principles:
Tom: And you also said ReSpeak reduces your anxiety, but I’m unclear how language relates to anxiety.
Jake: The way we use language—the way we talk to ourselves— turns the volume up and down in different parts of the brain. Anxiety is often the result of triggering parts of the brain that should be left quiet—left to protect us in the case of a real threat. ReSpeak helps us use our brains by encouraging each part to do what it does best. When we learn how to do this, we reduce our anxiety. (…) The Guideline 1 for ReSpeak is to resource your feelings, and the way to do it is to ask yourself one simple question: “What am I doing to myself?”
Tom: What’s the point of that question?
Jake: When I use common language to express myself, if I’m feeling frustrated or angry, I’ll say things like, “This is frustrating,” or “You make me angry.” But when I use ReSpeak, and I answer the question, “What am I doing to myself?” my response is different. I’ll say, “I frustrate myself,” or “I anger myself.” I am resourcing my feelings. The source of my feelings isn’t out there; my feelings originate within me.
I own my feelings and inner experiences when I use language in this way. I empower myself. No one is doing these things to me. “You aren’t frustrating me or making me angry. I’m doing this to myself. And if I do X to myself, maybe I can stop and do Y. If I am frustrated, that’s because I frustrate myself. If I feel angry, you are not making me angry; I do this to myself. When I use ReSpeak I take responsibility for what I do to myself.
Tom: If you call me a liar, I’m going to get upset and you’re the cause of me getting upset. I don’t see how I’m doing that to myself.
Jake: Well, you have a choice. You can give me the power to determine how you feel, in which case it’s as if I’m running your nervous system, or you can realize that we simply see things in different ways. And you can be curious about our differences.
So, if you call me a liar, my response is going to be to ask you why you think that. Maybe you heard something other than what I intended you to hear, maybe we just have a misunderstanding—I don’t know—but I’m choosing to be curious instead of reactive.
ReRight Your Life, An Introduction to Reology
This award-winning book will give you an introduction to Reology and tools you can use to ReRight your life, right here and right now. It’s written is an easy to read style as a conversation between Jake Eagle and his brother. It explores the meaning of life, core-limiting patterns that hold us back, the process of individuating, ways to discover our values, and a new way to speak to yourself and other people.
To get free shipping on this book—enter the coupon code: freeship
This book was previously published as Speak Love Not War, and although much of the content is the same, this new edition introduces the reader to Reology, as well as some updated chapters.
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