Is Your Relationship with Your Dad Impacting How You See God?

It’s one of the most important and revealing questions I can ask someone: Can you tell me about your relationship with your dad? And when I know about his relationship with his earthly father, I can usually discern much about his relationship with his Heavenly Father.

I received an email from a young friend recently. She is trying to deal with this very issue. Here’s a bit of what she said:

I have been attempting to come to terms with my lack of relationship with my father and the effect this has had on my life. My dad left my and my family for another woman. This has created numerous complications in my life, but I think one of the bigger problems it has resulted in is a lack of understanding of God as a Father.

I view a father as someone who looks down upon you, who you will never be good enough for, and is only interested in fulfilling their own selfish desires.

With such negative associations with the word father, using the term “Father” to describe God has left my heart in turmoil. I do not want to picture God as a man that I will never be good enough for, no matter how hard I try.

It is very difficult to sort through the lies that have become embedded in my mind of what a father should be and what a true father is.

Doubt creeps into my heart.

Feelings of never being good enough for a physical or spiritual father overwhelm me.

I am afraid to embrace God’s love because I don’t understand it and am in awe of its limitless. I am afraid to take a leap of faith to trust in something more and chance being hurt again. I don’t know if I could bear it to be let down by another Father.

Can you relate to this young woman’s feelings? Many of us can.

The fact is there is a close connection between how you view your earthly dad and how you view God. None of us has a full picture of God because there is no such thing as a perfect dad. But you don’t have to be stuck in the rut of always being afraid of God or of fearing that you will always be a big letdown to him. You can push past it. You can come to see who God really is and be safe in your relationship with him.

Here are some things you can do to lose your dad baggage and develop a fuller view of God:

Forgive your earthly dad . If you’re carrying anger or resentment toward him, let it go. It doesn’t mean that you condone what he did or didn’t do. It simple means that you acknowledge that he is incapable of restoring what he broke and of repaying what he took. You simply determine not to let his actions or inactions define you any further. Forgiveness is the critical first step in moving past your dad’s influence and hold over your life. 
Develop a biblical view of God . Read and study the Bible and begin to develop a scriptural picture of who God really is and not who your baggage expects him to be. Keep a journal and write down the pictures of God in the Bible that help you recalibrate your understanding of his true nature. Retrain your brain to see God as he is and not as your experience says he should be.
Pray . Talking to God is a great way to get to know him. If you have fears about talking to God or you’re not sure you know how, go ahead and just acknowledge those to God. Ask him to meet you where you are, to be patient with you and to help you see him as the loving Heavenly Father that he is. God answers prayer and you can be sure that he will answer that one.
Worship .  Worship may be the sweetest and most direct way of recalibrating your God image. Worship–both private and corporate–takes you into the holy presence of God. God’s presence gives life and brings healing. I’ve seen healing that might have taken months or even years of counseling come through just one hour of Spirit-led worship. Worship is the bold and faith-based acknowledgement that God is good, loving and in control even when your circumstances might suggest otherwise. God will meet you in worship, and he will heal you there.

Don’t settle for living with a warped view of God. Don’t let your father’s failings impact or control you any longer. Have the courage shown here by my young friend. Confront and rebuke your demons. Get to know the real Heavenly Father. And trust that he will guide you every step of the way.