Yo, Publishers! I Gots An Idea! Yo!

I GOTS AN IDEA!YO!
Dear Mr. Big-Wig Publisher,
I know you're stressing out. The whole publishing industry is crumbling around your shoulders. Indie authors are taking over the world and causing volcanic tremors and tsunamis and stuff. Digital books are destroying the age-old, fine tradition of killing trees to make reading material. Agents can't afford their Mercedes payments. And books with fake BDSM themes have surpassed the bible as "BEST BOOK OF ALL-TIME."
Yes, it does sort of seem like the...