The Flytrap and Iris: A Children's Story (but not really)

I've just written a draft of a children's book, although it may be more for adults. Comments welcome.



And I'd greatly appreciate it if you would have a child read it or read it to him, ask for honest feedback, and pass that feedback on to me.




The Flytrap and Iris

A children's story (but not really)

 (to be illustrated) 


Deep in the bog, with the cicadas singing, Mama Venus Flytrap no longer looked so scary. Her leaves were yellow and
limp.



Even her traps' jaws were limp. And even though a tasty beetle sat
in one of her traps, the trap would not close.



Mama's son, looked up at her,
worried.



"It's all right, my son. It's my time to return to the earth. It
is your time to grow up from the earth."



"Mama, please don't die," the
boy whispered.



Mama's leaves got so limp they started to shrivel. "And
remember son, I know you love to eat but eat only one fly each day. More and you'll melt into the earth."



And with that, mama melted into the earth.



And the
boy was sad. Very sad.



And he was scared. It was his first time alone and
he worried he'd always be alone. Sure, there were a lot of baby
venuses there, but they didn't seem to count.



The boy was just old enough to start noticing things. He noticed that he had eight red traps. He thought they were kind of ugly and wished they were green like the rest of him.



He also noticed things outside himself:



He looked to the left. Just some baby venuses and some brush.



He looked to the right .Just some baby venuses and some peat.



He looked ahead. Just some baby venuses and lots of bog.



But then he looked behind. And there was an iris.



And it was beautiful.



It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.



It's hard for flytraps to talk, especially young ones, but he summoned all his energy and croaked "Hi."



Iris stared at his traps and even though they were small, those teeth! She got scared and so she looked away.



Embarrassed and sad, he turned away too.



Days passed and every so often, a fly or beetle would fall into his trap and as soon as it touched two of the trap's trigger hairs, the trap slammed shut. Well, a growing boy has to eat. 



And the boy grew bigger.



And every so often he would look at Iris. But the bigger he got, the scarier he looked and the faster she turned away. So he did too.



Months passed and now he was big. And all those baby venuses were almost as big as he was.



And then one day, there was loud buzzing: Beetles!



He looked at Iris. She was covered with beetles! They were eating her!!



The boy widened his traps and squeezed really hard so lots of the glistening, attractive dew sat in the traps.



And it worked! A beetle jumped off Iris and right onto his trap. Snap! Dinner is served.



But there still were beetles, lots of beetles, all over Iris. He didn't care that she had been scared of him. He loved her. He really wanted to save her.



But what could he do? The beetles had chewed big holes in Iris's leaves and were making more holes, faster and faster.



She was starting to wilt. He had to think of something, and fast!.



He thought and he thought. And then he noticed the other flytraps. Yes!



Even though flytraps find it very hard to speak, love makes almost anything possible. So he tried to speak but, alas, all that came out was digested beetle!



He tried again. More digested beetle!



He tried yet again and, finally, words came out: "Please help me save my Iris!"



But the other flytraps didn't move.



"Please!," he cried.



Still the flytraps remained still.



He screamed, "I love her more than life itself."



And that moved the flytraps. Suddenly, most of them squeezed as hard as they could. And their traps opened as wide as they could and their traps were covered with that glistening, attractive dew.



And like a magnet,  the beetles jumped into the traps. Well, most of them.



Exhausted, all the other flytraps fell asleep.



But two beetles were still left on Iris. Now what?!



The boy couldn't eat them himself. He had just eaten one and remembered what his mama had warned him: "Eat more than one in a day and you'll die."



But the boy looked at Iris and he knew what he had to do.



He squeezed harder than he ever had in his entire life.



And then he squeezed some more.



And all his traps opened the widest they'd ever been, even wider than you do when the doctor tells you to "Say ah!"



And all the traps were completely covered with that glistening, attractive dew.



And just like that, the two beetles jumped from Iris and into his traps. Snap. Snap.



The boy looked at Iris. And he was happy.



And this time, she did not look away. She leaned toward him.



And the boy was very happy.



But then the boy felt sick.



And he wondered, "Should I have eaten those beetles?"



And the boy's red traps turned to a green, a sickly green.



Would you have eaten the beetles?



(I plan to include three endings, so the parent or child can choose



SAD ENDING

And he melted into the earth and joined his mama.



HAPPY ENDING

Iris leaned over the boy, putting her head into one of his traps so her pollen--some would call in fairy dust, others plant medicine--could drop onto the now not-so glistening dew.



Whereupon suddenly, the boy started to shake and shake.



And he vomited up the beetles.



Iris continued to lean over the boy. She gently shut his trap and then held it, the way lovers hold hands.



And the boy started to look healthier and healthier.



And Iris and Flytrap looked at each other, knowing they'll be best friends forever.



AMBIGUOUS ENDING

Iris knew that if she used her body to shield the boy from the sun for two days, he would live, but she---who can live only in shade--would likely die.



If you were Iris, what would you do?