The Snotsucker

You know how much I love ridiculous products, right? Like the Binsi Birthing Skirt. Remember that one? Practical enough to push a bowling ball out of out of your vagina while still looking cute during your birth experience and/or a trip to Target. Also, it was wrinkle free, because that's important too, you guys.



Or the Facekini? Those creepy face masks women in China are wearing to prevent their faces from tanning? I'm all for preventing skin cancer, but those suckers are just plain terrifying. I never want to go to the beach in China.



Well, today a reader emailed me about a new weird product. Today I learned about The NoseFrida Snotsucker. Does it sound revolting? Because it is.





The Snotsucker is a handy product that "every mom should have" says some know it all baby site. That is if you don't mind sucking snot out of your kid's nose with your mouth. Yeah, you read that right. It says suck snot with your mouth. Go ahead and get your visual and then go throw up for a little bit, I'll be here when you get back.



OK so, this thing is a syringe that you stick up your kid's nose and then you put the attached tube in your mouth and you suck. I know what you're wondering. Where does the snot go when I suck it, Jen? Well, it goes into this little syringe that is attached to the tube that you suck, but luckily, there is a small piece of foam of something that some how prevents your kid's slimy boogers from going down your throat.



I'm not an engineer, I don't know how that shit works, but I know it looks a bit flimsy and I don't see how it could possibly work. Have you seen the goo that comes out of kids? That crap can be hardcore. A little foamy thing might not do the job if your kid has a serious head cold.



And let's just assume that it never fails and you never end up with a load of mucus in your mouth, I still don't think I could bring myself to suck that tube. My brain and my gag reflex would be going nuts. Plus, I'm not the most mechanically inclined person, I just know I'd do something wrong and I'd end up with a mouthful of snot.







And can talk for a minute about the visual? I understand that those bulb syringes that we all use are a haven of filth and this can be washed and cleaned, etc. etc. but the bulb syringes aren't see through. This thing is clear. Not only am I slurping snot rockets, but I have to see them too? I get to see those bright green loogies making their way into the syringe? No thank you. If the idea of sucking phlegm out of a human being didn't make me vomit, seeing it would surely do the trick.



And then what? What happens if I accidentally vomit into the attached tube? Does my puke get stopped by the little flimsy foamy thing or does it go up my child's nose?



And why do we have to suck? Why can't we have a squeezy bulb thingy on the end that would do the sucking for us? Who thought sucking was the right idea? Again, I'm not an engineer, but weren't there other ideas that were put forth? Surely, there was a woman at the table who said, "Uh fellas, I know you guys never see the downside to a woman sucking anything, but maybe we could try some other ways too?"



Let's just say it's a good thing my kids are old enough to blow their own noses now, because I couldn't buy one of these things. Because I'm a moron who would probably operate it incorrectly to begin with, then I'd finally figure it out, hit green gold, which would then trigger me to throw up, which would then go back into my child's nose and then I'd have to suck vomit and snot out with my mouth, which would guarantee me repeating the whole process again. Rinse and repeat.



I'll give the good people at NoseFrida this, they know it's kind of wacky. Even on their site it says "It's maybe a little strange."



Maybe?



No, NoseFrida, it's really strange.



UPDATE: OK, there are some hard core Snotsucker Lovers out there and after reading all of the comments on here, I've decided to reverse my decision on this product. You guys have convinced me. This DOES sound like an amazing and miraculous product and I need to go and buy one immediately. I don't have babies anymore who can benefit, but I think there is a whole market being overlooked: snot nosed elementary school aged kids. I'm going to buy one and teach my kids how to suck their own noses!



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Want to buy a NoseFrida? Go ahead, I don't care, they didn't pay for this post.