Writing What Only You Can Write

When I first started in this business, I was mainly concerned with finding a story idea that I a) COULD write well enough to be publishable and that I b) COULD find someone who liked it well enough to help me edit it. I still love many of those books. They were just within my grasp, with me growing along with the ideas so that I could write almost to the level that the story deserved. They were, truly, the very best I could do. I poured as much of myself into them as I could.

But I have changed in terms of what I want to do with my writing. I no longer simply want to be published. I suppose this is the luxury of having been published already. Like someone who has had sex once, the thrill of the thing itself is no longer enough. I want to have good sex. In fact, perhaps I want to have sex of the kind that no one else has EVER had before, or thought of having before, in the history of the world.

Now, as a reader, that is not necessarily what I want from every book I read. I often want a book that is predictable. I want a book that does not, in fact, challenge me on every page. Because I read when I am tired, or depressed, or looking for comfort. I read when I am waiting in line at the grocery store and have only about a quarter of my normal attention. I read when I want to be able to think with half my mind about a problem that I can’t solve.

As a writer, a story that entertains is no longer enough for me. I don’t want to write stories that other people could have written. I don’t want someone reading my book to put it down and think, that was fun. And then never think of it again. But most of all, I don’t want it to feel generic, like it might have been a project outsourced by the IT department at a major publisher, who was looking for a writer who would work for hire.

I want to write MY stories, the books that come out of my world and are so twisted by my imagination, my unique experiences and my bizarre worldview that people put down my books, shaking their heads, and knowing that this was a book that is unique. Not entertainment, but transformation. I want to write books that use words people have to look up in the dictionary, and that people disagree with violently and want to throw across the room at times. I want to write books that get nasty reviews because they are so misunderstood (which seems like it’s not that hard, actually, so maybe I should take that back). I want to write books that are unforgettable and that when people meet me, they nod their heads and say, yeah—I knew you already because I read your book and your voice would not get out of my head.

Do you know what I mean? Maybe I’m crazy, and I’m certainly not saying that there is only place in the world for one kind of book. There are lots of readers and lots of writers. I don’t know that every writer starts where I started or will end up where I ended up, and I know that not every reader is going to want to meet me all the way in the middle with these books. But since I am me and I have both the blessing and curse of being able to choose what books I write, this is what I choose. I choose to write books that no one could ever mistake for being anyone else’s.