Using it well.

A guest post by Jamie Ivey >>  

I recently had one of those days where you run ragged all day, but yet it's all with things that fill up your heart and soul, so you love it. I met a new friend for coffee and talked about the book fair at my kids school. I had coffee (yes second coffee meeting in one day!) with friends that are starting something big, and have asked me to come along for bits of it. I then met a new friend from the kids school for lunch, and got to know her better. Then I headed home and my brain was grooving.

My day was such a fill for me that when I got home I was in overdrive and I was formulating ideas, and starting research on an article that's due soon. I was in a zone.

You know what zone I'm talking about. The one that doesn't come often. The one where you feel alive and love that you get the time to create and be in that moment. The place where you wish time would actually stop and you could just release everything in your brain and it would mean something.

For me, as a busy mom to four kids these zones feel distant sometimes. In fact most days I feel as though my writing is done at night after they are in bed, or tightly squeezed in between another duty that must get fulfilled. Sometimes I dream of a day where there is no cut off time. No time you have to stop.

On this day just like every other day my alarm on my phone went off to remind me it was time to go get the kids. (Yes I have an alarm set to go get my kids. Welcome to my life!) I put it off as long as I could and finally stopped where I was and raced to the school to get them. We chit chatted on the way home and then when we walked in I immediately sent them outside to play so I could get back to what I had been working on.

They would come in and ask for a snack, and I would wave them away as if they were a pesky fly. Then my daughter asked if she could read to me and I told her that I didn't have time for that now, that I was busy. (Mom of the year award for that one!) Then my sons asked when dinner would be ready because they had been outside for so long.

All of a sudden it hit me. My kids had been at school all day, and when I finally picked them up and had time to spend with them, I asked them to leave me alone so I could work on something.

In those few hours I had communicated to my kids that whatever was on my computer was way more important to me than them. They don't know that mommy is working on an article for other mommy's to read about parenting. They don't know that mommy is researching a new journey that could be ahead for her. They don't know anything except that they haven't seen their mommy all day and now she doesn't even want to be around them.

I felt that nudge in my soul, my heart dropped and I shut my computer and headed outside to be with my kids. Having an outlet for me is huge, and I love blogging because of that, but it can't come at the expense of my children. If 500 people read what I wrote about adoption, but my kids didn't get their mommy's attention, then it's not worth it.

I'm having to constantly check myself and my time. I want to use it all well, and that means sometimes leaving the zone that I love so much to pursue my family. Sometimes I do this well, and other times I fail miserably, like I just told you. But all the time I am moved by God's grace to try again the next day. To try again and balance the things in life that are important to me.