CAUTION: WRITER AT WORK

BEWARE. An author in the midst of revisions is a dangerous beast. An author may:

- awaken at ungodly hours of the morning
- forget how to speak, engage in glossolalia, or adapt the language of a different species, i.e. snarls and growls
- develop an uncontrollable twitch around the eyes
- punch door-to-door salesmen in the face
- nurse caffeinated beverages the way a shipwreck survivor regards fresh water
- lock and barricade office doors
- eat Ghirardelli milk chocolate chips for therapeutic purposes
- announce to significant others, "Guess you're feeding yourself"
- experience altered personalities, i.e. a goody-two-shoes begins dropping f-bombs [possibly between snarls]
- may be incapable of operating dangerous appliances such as ovens, scissors, or doorknobs
- squeal at random moments and utter phrases like, "YES! That's good!"

One of these isn't true. I'll let you guess which one.