What's Sexy: R-E-S-P-E-C-T

It all boils down to this one thing, the recognition from a man that a woman is his equal. You see it in Pride and Prejudice. When Darcy first proposes to Elizabeth, the mistake he makes is not seeing her as his equal. He has to be humbled, yes, but only until he realizes what a fool he had been not to see her as his equal. Mr. Bennet is worried about Elizabeth's marriage because he doesn't want her yoked to someone who isn't her equal. And it takes a while for Darcy to realize the truth. Elizabeth isn't beneath him. He doesn't have to worry about his family embarrassing her. He saves her sister because he has realized that she is his equal. He fixes things with Jane and Bingley because he's realized they are equals, as well. And he writes her his letter about Wickham because he realizes she deserves to know the full truth. He trusts her with his sister's good name because he has realized she is his equal. That I when Elizabeth falls back in love with him, as he gradually shows her that he accepts her as his equal.

This is one of the reasons that romance is, in fact, the most feminist writing out there. Because all romances (or maybe only the ones I like) are based on the premise that a man must accept a woman as his equal in every way, and that is really quite revolutionary. It's not so much about a woman humbling a man as it is him being humbled by his own prejudice that he is above her in some way.

When I heard men talk about what they can do to make a woman think of him as sexy, I think so many of them are so wrong it is laughable. Wearing hot pants doesn't do it. Talking in a sexy voice doesn't do it. Watching a girl movie unhappily especially doesn't do it.

Doing the dishes for your wife isn't about a man being put down. It's about him showing her the respect that his time isn't worth more than hers. It's about seeing her life and doing a small thing that makes it easier, because he sees it is hard.

Watching a girl show with his girlfriend isn't sexy unless he shows the respect of liking the movie and accepting that it is every bit as good as any of the guy movies he has seen.

Fixing your wife's car isn't about doing something that she can't do for herself. It's about realizing that she hasn't had a chance to learn everything and that there are some things that no one ever taught her because she was a girl. And you can make her hard life a little easier by doing this one thing. And if she wants, helping her learn how to do it. Up to her. Because you respect her.

Taking her out to a dinner at her favorite restaurant shows her the respect of remembering what it is and not trying to tell her she is wrong.

Buying her the thing that she has been hinting about isn't taking the easy way out. It isn't being an idiot for not knowing something better to give her. It's showing her the respect of accepting that she knows herself and knows what she wants best.

The thing is, if you are a guy and you get that a woman craves respect most of all, you are going to have to see that the world doesn't give this woman respect very often. And if you see that, then you've seen inside of her for a little bit. And isn't that the best gift of all?