The Lessons of a Rebound Romance

 

Have you ever had a rebound romance?

If you have, you’re not alone. The term is often credited to Mary Russell Mitford. Back in 1830, she wrote that there is “nothing so easy as catching a heart on the rebound.” The term typically refers to a love affair that follows close on the heels of the break-up of a long- term relationship.

Not surprisingly, many therapists and family counselors advise against a rebound romance.  Common sense would tell you much the same thing. At a point when a failed relationship causes you to doubt yourself—your judgment, your attractiveness, your ability to sustain an intimate relationship—you’re vulnerable to the blandishments of anyone who offers sympathy and support.

In that state of mind, the character and values of your new lover may be far less important than having someone to distract you from the pain of your loss. In that state of mind, you may experience an unusual but ultimately false intimacy, one that stems more from your need to work out painful emotions than from an underlying trust or honesty. There is a considerable risk that, as you begin to heal from the original loss, you’ll find that the rebound lover is not quite you’d hoped for, and perhaps altogether inappropriate for the person you really are and the lifestyle you want to lead. 

This, of course, means that there are significant risks for your new love interest as well. To the extent you’re still emotionally bound to the last love, you’re also emotionally unavailable. In other words, you may be unable to consider the needs of your new lover. You may be unwilling to take the necessary steps to build a grounded, sustainable relationship. Particularly if the rebound romance is short-lived, your new partner may feel, with some justification, that he or she has been used or mislead.

Rebound relationships are a popular theme of romantic fiction, Chick Lit and celebrity news media. While A Fitting Place doesn’t fit into any of those genres, my novel takes advantage of the dramatic possibilities of a rebound relationship with its heightened emotional intensity in the early stages and its potential for conflict once the initial euphoria wears off.

But a rebound romance with a woman offers another more substantial benefit. Like so many women (myself included), my protagonist Lindsey brought a host of gender-based assumptions into her marriage, socially accepted notions about the respective roles of husband and wife. Lindsey begins to accept responsibility for the failure of her marriage only when her rebound love affair begins to crumble for many of the same reasons her marriage fell apart. 

For Lindsey, a rebound romance opens the door to a new understanding of herself and her own value system. 

Have you had a rebound relationship? What did you learn from it?

 

This blog continues the discussion on themes in my novel.  I welcome comments and guest blogs from my readers based on their own experiences.  Let me know if you’d like to do a guest blog on one or more of the issues relevant to A Fitting Place.  

 

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