Fake-Reading the Classics: True Confessions of a Dude Who Never Read Jane Eyre

I think I had a pretty good college education, thanks to the programs at the Universities of Wyoming, Oregon and Alaska.  Those classes introduced me to some of the literary pillars of my life: Flannery O'Connor, Charles Dickens, James Fenimore Cooper, et al.  But for every Things Fall Apart that was forced-fed to me on my graduate reading list, there were an equal number of unread Thomas Hardy novels.

I've never lied about my Unreads, never puffed myself up during cocktail chatter,...