I Didn’t Know I Was Going Crazy by Debra H. Goldstein

I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS GOING CRAZY….by Debra H. Goldstein

I am the mother of twins.  My daughter slept through the night almost immediately.  My son functioned on two non-consecutive hours of sleep in a twenty-four hour period.  I thought I was using my time effectively putting a laundry in at 2 a.m. and changing it at 4 a.m. because I was up with him anyway.  Months later I learned that my behavior during those first weeks after the twins were born was best summed up by a friend who came to visit and immediately got on the phone or started beating the drums:  “She doesn’t know she’s going crazy.”

The daughter who slept through the night and rarely gave her father or me any grief is getting married in a few weeks.  It is an exciting time for her and a combination of poignant moments for me.  She came without her fiancé for the Jewish holidays and as we sat up late talking, I thought about how this would be the last time we talked into the wee hours without her husband being upstairs wondering when she would be coming to bed.  We went for her final dress fitting last week and I swear she glowed as she tried it on and remembered why she fell in love with it.  I almost cried at how beautiful she looked – but I didn’t.  Instead, I thought about how she had that same look of happiness in her watermelon patterned dress the first day she went to school.  Lest you worry, I assure you I won’t hold back the tears when she radiantly comes down the aisle on her father’s arm.

When I haven’t been ricocheting between memories of the past and the creation of present ones, I have been attending to wedding details.  Who will sit with who, how will the processional proceed, how does the menu my daughter and her fiancé blessed have to be altered for those who replied to my request to let me know of any dietary restrictions with needs that included vegetarian, vegan, or dishes that are gluten, lactose, peanut, olive oil, or fig free.   My personal favorite – “I eat anything, but I don’t like corn or rice.”  Not a problem – I’ve entered that request along with the others into the myriad of spread sheets my son-in-law to be, friends, and I have created to track the different details of the wedding. 

My writing and personal life are taking a backseat to the energy and passion I am putting into the wedding, but it is okay.  This time, I know I’m going crazy.