Honesty saves time, every time

I know that women in particular are told to be “nice,” to figure out nice things to say to people in every situation. Even if you don’t like them. Even if you really hate what they’re saying. Even if you think they are heading down the wrong road. Just nod your head, say something affirmative, and that’s the best course because you make friends that way, and no one wants to make enemies, right? It could come back to bite you.

Here’s the thing. I don’t think being falsely positive is beneficial to anyone. I don’t think making friends with people you didn’t really want to be friends with is a good idea. And even if you will generally attract more flies with honey than with vinegar, who wants to attract flies? Not me. In fact, most of the time, I’d be very happy if I attracted fewer flies. So I don’t tend to smear myself with honey.

I’m not saying that you should be mean to people for no reason. I’m just saying that there are ways to be polite without being effusive. And if someone asks you directly for your opinion, I recommend you give it as kindly as you can, but not to necessarily sugar coat it beyond recognition.

In the writing world, it’s no real help if as a critiquer, you tell someone a manuscript is great and then they send it off and no agent or editor is interested.

If you don’t have an agent and editor who tell you the absolute truth (again, kindly, with optimism if it is warranted), then how are you going to sell books to readers? Readers are not kind. Go to goodreads if you have any doubts there.

If you have friends who don’t tell you the truth about mistakes you are making in your life, you are going to just keep making those mistakes. Wouldn’t you rather live through a momentary sting and figure out how to do what you need to do? Isn’t that what a real friend does?

Love, encouragement, and hope can all coexist with honesty. I think they coexist best with honesty, in fact. So go be honest. Kindly honest, but honest nonetheless.