Wow, That Was Fast!

This is an anniversary of sorts for me.  Six months.  Six months since I first said, okay, I’m going to put my words out there for the world and see what happens.   What a wild ride it’s been too, and so fast.  I had no idea how fast things have gone until a friend asked me the other day how I got into publishing.  Then I realized that on September 14th it will be six months.

Not to sound dramatic or anything, but six months ago, with my heart in my throat, I pressed the mouse button and self published Silent Heart.  I’ve said before and I’ll say again, I’m a wimp.  I knew Silent Heart was good, but I thought it was like high school essay good.  I never thought it would hold up to critical review.  I had no idea where this would lead.

Now I find myself as the executive editor with J. Ellington Ashton Press.  Two books published, a story in an anthology, and another book soon to go into editing.  I’m still a student, but I’m learning so much and having a great time.  So much as happened.  I’m doing radio interviews, recording commercials, even singing again.  I’m making graphics for businesses and find myself being asked for more.  I’ve found friends who are family to me and I’m on the road to where I want to be.  All it took was one moment of staring fear in the face and just doing it.

I love my life right now.  I love where things are going.  It’s not always easy.  There are days I’m little more than a puddle of goo on the floor.  There are challenges and good and bad days.  There are big things in my personal life I won’t go into here at the moment that keep me stressed, but it’s all worth it.  All the work, all the ups and downs, even the stress.  It’s all worth it.  The days we all have where we want to give up still happen, but I just remember how far my life has come in six months and I know can I push through it.

This has been such a wild ride.  I kind of feel like this blog post is all self congratulatory, but really its acknowledging that I worked for this and I deserve this and I love it.  This is my life, and this is where I want to be.  Do you have any idea how long I’ve struggled?  If you’ve been keeping up with my blog (particularly the last post) you might have some clue.  Six months ago my world was very different.  I make mistakes and bad choices like everyone else.  I’ve walked very hard roads.  Some were worth it and some I’d rather forget.  To be here now, maybe not at the top of my career but steadily climbing towards that is the most amazing thing.

There was this movie years ago I always thought was funny.  Defending Your Life.  It was the idea that purgatory was this great place where you could do anything and eat anything (you can see that writer’s love of food in this movie), but while you were there you went before a judge and defended your choices.  Of course bad people didn’t get very far, but the honest every day person was going to go two ways.  Back to Earth to try again or on to a higher state of evolution.  It wasn’t being pious and good that got you the ticket further in your existence, it was conquering fear.  That idea has stuck with me for many years.  When I let an opportunity pass by or when I stare something hard in the face I go back to that.  I think to myself, when my life is over and we look back upon it, was I strong enough?  Would I move on?  I want to be able to say yes.  I hope I will be able to say yes.

This past six months has taught me that one single moment of bravery can change your whole world.  Now when I’m scared, I try to think back on this.  What will this next moment of bravery bring me?  Say yes to everything even when it's scary and your whole world will change.  Wow, this has been amazing.  Wow, that was fast.