And Here’s How You Know Things Are Bad…

So, as you all know, I am a full time freelancer. As a full time freelancer, my jobs aren’t always guaranteed. Sometimes, things get rough. It’s a roller coaster ride of financial security and a step away from being a stretch-marked web cam model most of the time.  But I won’t give up; I’ll never give up. I’m just that damn good.

But in case you’re new at the whole freelancing thing, and you need to know how to gauge when things are going really bad, here are some tips.

1. Your grocery list has become more of a ‘wish list’ – This is the part where you start crossing out necessities on your grocery list in order to survive another week. “Toilet paper? Who needs toilet paper? I still have coffee filters and old Dunkin Donuts napkins.” When your list consists of nothing more than ‘milk, eggs and Raman noodles,’ then you know things are bad.

2. You’re thrilled to find a dollar – This happens as you’re scrounging through your old clothes, looking for loose change in order to get gas money. As you’re tugging out those annoying dimes and nickels, you might stumble upon a real live dollar! Say what you want about being rich, but no millionaire will ever be able to understand the true joy you feel when you stumble on a crumpled up dollar in an old pair of jeans, when you are completely fucking broke.

3.  You start wondering how good you could be at a life of crime. You might find yourself Googling tips on starting your own forgery business or jacking cars. Personally, I have always thought I would kick ass at insurance fraud.

4. You start praying for a relative to die. This is a desperate point. It might be a close relative or a distant one, but the only thing you can think of is how much easier life would be if you got some sweet insurance policy settlement money. Then, you’ll try and push the thought from your mind because you’re afraid of the bad karma, but deep down it will still be there and you know you can’t unthink it.

5. You reuse coffee grounds and roll tobacco out of old cigarette filters. No true writer can live without coffee and cigarettes. So when it gets really bad, we scrounge for what we can get. Trust me, the taste of desperation is the taste of old Pall Mall Menthol Light tobacco mixed with Marlboro lights in some Zippo orange pack rolling papers.

But here’s what separates the real writers from the hobbyist writers. Most full time freelance writers will wash out after a year, due to the five facts above. They will retreat to their cubicles, say they’ll keep writing, but then, after a full day in corporate hell, they’ll forget all about their dreams. They’ll go home, let their novel sit unfinished and watch the news as they drink themselves stupid.

The real writers will understand that this is just the low point on the roller coaster ride that is freelancing. They will ride the storm and they will hit the high point. A new ghostwriting gig is right around the corner or it’s only a matter of time until their novel takes off. A real writer will never forget the dream, even as they’re getting an eviction notice or smoking used cigarettes. They will keep on writing. Ironically, the suffering they accept from writing in that state of desperation will make them better writers. If you doubt me, look up pretty much any famous writer you can think of before they hit it big.

So yes, things might be bad, but they will get better. Knowing that isn’t about optimism. It isn’t about false hope. It’s about recognizing your own talents and standing behind them. When you’re good, people will notice.

Once year ago today, I had about 25 blog followers watching the things I write. Now, that number is closer to 3000. Things can only get better and only a fool would give up now.