Taboo
“The only part of conduct of any one, for which he is amenable to society, is that which concerns others. In the part, which merely concerns himself, his
independence is, of right, absolute. Over himself, over his own body and mind, the individual is sovereign.” (J S Mill in his essay “On Liberty”).
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I still can’t believe that my 2 oldest friends, John and Fiona are gone, there lives snuffed out in an instant. It made the local news on the BBC. The police are still questioning the lorry driver but it seems that he fell asleep at the wheel and hit my friend’s car. Only yesterday we where enjoying dinner in our favourite restaurant and now they are gone.
“You don’t need to start straight away. Why not leave it a few days before going through John and Fiona’s things darling” my wife said putting her arms around my neck.
“No sweetheart I need to feel that I’m doing something. I can’t just sit here. It will have to be done and I’d rather get it over with”.
I ought to explain that besides being their oldest friend I was appointed as one of John and Fiona’s executors along with Bob Marshal. I haven’t been able to get hold of Bob so I may as well get things moving.
Is this what we are reduced to in death? A myriad personal effects, two wardrobes bulging with clothes and one small filing cabinet which looks as though it was purchased from a catalogue shop. Oh god the bed sheets are all tangled up as though from love making. My old friends I hope your last night was spent in blissful passion. I must get out of the bedroom. I can’t deal with this right now. The living room I’ll start there.
I took that photograph, the one on the mantelpiece. Fiona pushing my daughter, Matilda on the swing while Matilda smiles that smile that could melt the coldest of hearts. John is looking on with a huge grin on his face. To think we’ll never be together again, no more laughter. I haven’t had the heart to call Matilda at university. Its almost exam time and the news will devastate her. She was so fond of Fiona and John, I’ll wait until the examinations are over and tell her then.
How alike John and Fiona seem in that picture. Brown hair, those hazel eyes, even the same delicate little nose. People always commented on their similarity. They must have got sick of all the comments but neither of them ever showed any outward sign of irritation with the nosy parkers who felt that they had the right to interfere in their lives.
“Its just one of life’s little coincidences” John and Fiona would reply smilingly in response to comments about how alike they looked.
Poor Matilda she will be heart broken when I tell her. John and Fiona treated her as though she was their own daughter. Fiona’s face is alight with joy as she pushes Matilda on that swing. I can’t understand why they never had children of their own. John and Fiona would have made wonderful parents, you can see how Matilda adores them, just look at her face in the photograph. I once asked Fiona whether she and John had considered having children.
“I love children Martin but bringing a life into the world is such a massive responsibility”.
“But Fiona there are lots of parents who don’t care about their children. You and John would make much better parents than many of the people who treat their children like possessions. You both have a real feeling for children. Matilda adores you both. She is always asking when she can go and visit uncle John and auntie Fiona”.
“There are genetic reasons Martin. I don’t want to talk about them. I don’t mean to be rude but as my oldest friend I’m sure that you will respect our reasons for not wishing to discuss having children”.
I was a little taken back by Fiona’s somewhat brusque response, however not wishing to sour a friendship which meant so much I agreed never to raise the subject again.
Looking back at our friendship Fiona and John adroitly changed the subject whenever the topic of their families was raised.
“We where both born under gooseberry bushes” they would say laughing uproariously whenever anyone asked about their parents.
“But seriously, Fiona/John I’ve known you both for 15 years but I know nothing about your families. I’ve never met any of your relations”.
“The stalk left us both under the gooseberry bush” they would both answer in unison their bodies convulsing with laughter.
Well looking at photographs won’t achieve anything. Lets take a look in that filing cabinet. Typical sloppy John and Fiona, the key is in the lock. Now what is the point of having a lockable filing cabinet if you leave the key in the lock?!
Not much here. A few bills, two passports and a photograph album. Martin you are here to go through papers not to look through old photos. But a quick flip through won’t take up much time will it? No of course it won’t, I’ll just have a brief look and then get on with sorting through that folder of papers that I found lying under the album.
That lady looks just like John. Hold on she looks like both of them. The same features, the self-same brown hair and hazel eyes. I don’t understand, who is she? Another sibling?
Looking at pictures isn’t getting me anywhere. Lets have a look at whats in this folder. Birth certificates for Fiona and John Hamilton. Christ no wonder they shyed away from discussing their families, they are/where brother and sister.
That’s disgusting, how could they do that. Its not natural, I feel sick to the stomach when I think about it. But Martin they weren’t harming anyone. They where just two adults in a loving relationship who happened to be brother and sister. But if they had brought children into the world the kids would have had a high probability of suffering from serious disabilities, quite possibly severe mental disability. The taboo against incest is there for a very good reason. Incestuous relationships are unnatural, even animal breeders avoid breeding brother with sister because it is neither healthy nor natural to do so. They didn’t have children though. Fiona and John hinted at the reason for not having children but you like a fool where to blind to comprehend. So does the fact that they took a decision not to have children make it all OK then? I don’t know. My gut reaction is one of revulsion, its not normal, they must have been sick to do what they did. But they where good to you and Matilda. They genuinely loved your daughter and Matilda loved them to bits. What will Matilda say when I tell her? I can’t tell her or anyone else, why drag the reputation of a sweet harmless couple through the dirt when they are dead? But they weren’t sweet and harmless, John and Fiona broke not only the law of the land, they breeched that most ancient of taboos, the prohibition against sleeping with your closest relatives. Would you have reported them if you had discovered their secret while John and Fiona where still both living? Yes. No. I don’t know. They where my dear, dear friends. John and Fiona never hurt anyone. What they did turns my stomach but they did no harm to anyone. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Ah that’s what I’m looking for, the electric shredder. In go the photographs and the birth certificates. That’s it all over now.
The end
