Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) Classic issue #106 (published October 31, 2002) "Using colons correctly."

So, we first ran this issue of PMjA in 2002 and, man, some stuff has changed a little. #whoa

Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) Classic issue #106 (published October 31, 2002)

Using colons correctly.

Giant Squid: Ask The Giant Squid: What Has Love Got To Do, Got To Do With It?

by the Giant SquidDear Giant Squid,

I have the biggest crush in the world on my 7th hour Trig teacher, and I think it's going to kill me.

She's really nice and all— like patient and funny and all that. But, also, she's just so totally freaking hot it just about makes your eyes tear up. For real. She has dark eyes and dark brown, almost reddish, hair and this smile that's real low-key and sharp at the edges, just a little upturned at the edges.

And her figure— man! It's just, like . . . it's just too much. She's got these totally perfect boobs that . . . well, like, this one time, she was wearing this loose white blouse, and one of the buttons had come undone and when she leaned down to talk me through this really crazy story problem . . .

Fiction: The Woodpecker and Blossom Hit the Road, part 3 of 4 by Jonathan FarlowSlobber McAllister and his best friend Gene Pickard left the newly refurbished Columbia theater just after 10:30 that night. They had skipped Citizen Kane, seen The Wizard of Oz, Gene wanted to see that one and a little of the Marx Brothers movie because Horace Spinks said that it would be so good. It was stupid and they walked out and sat down on the curb until 11:00 when The Blob was supposed to start. While they were sitting there Slobber smoked cigarettes, detailed the movie scene by scene and analyzed the merits of the film as compared to the Japanese monster movies, which he preferred, and the giant atomic bug movies of the 1950's. Spurred by the comment from Gene that he was glad that monsters weren't real Slobber insured him that not only were they real, but the woods in that area were full of them.

. . .

Poetry: A Lobster is a Tree by G. Chartrand and L. Lesniakthe removal of whose end-

vertices produces a caterpillar.

. . .

Rant: The Last Time I Saw bin Laden by David Pacheco As a recent arrival in this country, I received a phone call yesterday from Tom Ridge, the Director of Homeland Security, asking me about any previous dealings I may have had with Osama bin Laden. It's all a part of Attorney General John Ashcroft's way of adding a personal, cuddly touch to the racial and ethnic profiling he's mandated. Sort of like Hitler wearing pyjamas with feet.

I told Ridge about the last time I saw Osama.

Osama and I go way back. Way, way back. Back even before the last time he hated the U.S. before they trained him and gave him money and then he liked them and now he hates them again. We've never been particularly close, mostly because of the religious differences (he's an Extreme Fundamentalist Muslim, whereas I think women are human beings). But still, he calls me every time he's in town, we hang.

. . .