Fred and George’s Great Escape
So Fred and George, having been denied love, fled for their wee ceramic lives.
“RUN!”
“BUT I LOVE HER!”
“I DON’T CARE, RUN!”
“YOU DON’T WANT ME TO BE HAPPY!”
“I DON’T WANT YOU TO BE EATEN ALIVE! NOT EVEN BY A WOMBAT!”
“WOMBAT? WHERE?”
“I THINK…WE’VE LOST…THEM.”
“OY, LOOK AT THIS.”
“WHAT? IS IT FOOD?”
“SMELLS AWFUL.”
“IT DOES, RATHER. WHAT IS THAT STUFF?”
“DON’T KNOW. GOD, YOU’RE OUT OF SHAPE.”
“WHAT?”
“WHY ARE YOU PANTING?”
“I’M NOT…OH, NO.”
“AUGH!”
“IS IT A WOMBAT?”
“OH CHRIST JESUS, YOU’RE IN ITS FOOD BOWL! RUN!”
“IT EATS THIS? NO WONDER IT SOUNDS LIKE THAT–”
Odd Trundles: New friends? New friends?
“FRED? FRED! WHERE DID YOU GO? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME? FRED, COME BACK! I’M SORRY I PISSED YOUR BED THAT ONCE! I’M SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING!”
“UP HERE, DIPSHIT. HELP ME.”
“BUT, FRED…WE DON’T HAVE NO OPPOSABLE THUMBS.”
“JUST SHUT UP AND PUSH.”
“THIS IS MORE LIKE IT.”
“WHAT’S THAT SMELL?”
“I DON’T THINK WE’RE IN MELBOURNE ANYMORE.”
“WELL, WHERE THE HELL ARE WE THEN? TASMANIA?”
“I THINK…MAYBE CANADA?”
“ISN’T THAT ON MARS?”
“GEORGE…OH, JUST NEVER MIND.”
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
“I TOLD YOU I HAD TO PISS. ROUGH NIGHT, THAT WAS.”
“YOU’RE DEFECATING IN A–WHAT IS THAT?”
“SCRATCHY.”
“I CANNOT BELIEVE WE’RE FRIENDS.”
“NOBODY ELSE CAN EITHER, YOU’RE SO UPTIGHT.”
“LOOK AT THIS. IT’S JUST SITTING HERE.”
“FOOD! FINALLY! FRED, YOU’RE THE BEST!”
“THIS IS GREAT. AL FRESCO. MARVELOUS.”
“THAT WAS AN INCREDIBLE DUMP.”
“THANK YOU FOR SHARING.”
“I FEEL A LOT LIGHTER.”
“I’M SURE YOU DO.”
“SO. WHAT DO YOU THINK?”
“I THINK IT’S A LONG WAY DOWN.”
“I’M KING OF THE WOOOOORLD!”
“GOD. YOU’RE NEVER WATCHING ANOTHER MOVIE. EVER.”
“BUT IT WAS GREAT! I CRIED. SO DID YOU.”
“I DID NOT.”
“I SAW YOU. YOU CRIED LIKE A BABY. YOU CURLED UP IN THE FETAL POSITION AND SUCKED ON A WINE BOTTLE UNTIL–”
“GEORGE, I WILL HURT YOU IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP.”
“AND THEN SHE WAS ALL LIKE, MY HEART WILL GO OOOOOOOOON–”
“COME ON, CELINE DION. TIME TO FIND SOME SHELTER.”
…to be continued
