AM I IN A GUY RITCHIE’S MOVIE?

AM I TOO SOPHISTICATED FOR TV? I’m away.

AM I IN A GUY RITCHIE’S MOVIE?

I personally can’t stand weddings and hate anything to do with them. In fact, in my very personal opinion weddings have nothing to do with celebrating someone’s love. Besides, weddings and love not necessarily go together, not only in movie scripts but in real life as well.

It’s a commonly known fact that weddings are financially straining for both, the couple getting married and the guests attending the party. To attend a wedding a guest needs to buy a gift or give the money as a gift (giving money usually brings pressure ‘cos it’s always hard to asses on the right amount), then there is a card, travel, flowers, a new dress if you don’t have one, shoes, doing your hair, nails etc. In short: wedding = £+£+£

A lot of people are going to argue with me but I don’t mind. It’s a free country we live in, or at least I hope so and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. These people would try to convince me that weddings are perfect occasions to meet other people and enjoy a great meal, at the very least. Well, I’m going to dispute that statement. I cannot remember one wedding I went to that had fantastic food. Most of the food is non-vegetarian unless someone considers fries, rice or wedged potatoes the only vegetarian options.

So, couple of weeks ago I was invited to a wedding my ex was going to attend, too. Obviously I needed to look super sexy, stunning and breath taking. So the little thing who broke our marriage and family would feel like nothing and my ex would have to eat his heart out.

Why didn’t I decline the invitation? Well, for several reasons:

I wanted my ex to see how well I have been doing without him. Since Little O. had been away for most of the summer we didn’t see each other for weeks.
I wanted to show off the man I was dating. He is hot, charming and funny but I’ll talk about him later.
I wanted my ex to see how self-sufficient and together lady I was after our break up.
I also wanted “her” to see that I was not competing with “her”. I’m better than “her”. Why? ‘Cos I don’t need to steal someone else’s hubby to try to build a very shaky happiness on the grounds of the broken home.

I know these are all selfish reasons but you know what. I never said I wasn’t selfish.

Let’s get back to the wedding. It was organized in East London and before I managed to get drunk and let my ex admire “new” me I discovered that I was at the wedding from one of Guy Ritchie’s movies.

It was truly spectacular. The ceremony took place in a small local church in East London, and the reception in another small local East London church with a nice graveyard attached. I’m just guessing that the dead didn’t mind the party.

If you have not seen any of Guy Ritchie’s movies I would advice you to go and rent: “Snatch” or “Rock’N’Rolla” and you will immediately know what I’m talking about. Most of the guests were Londoners with sweet East London accent that takes a bit of time to learn to understand and the opinion that political correctness can go and fuck itself.

While standing in the middle of the graveyard, sipping my cheap sparkling wine I was in heaven just watching those people talk, behave and interact with one another. It was a paradise for my literary mind. I did feel very special and I was not afraid at all, although I was almost certain that at some point someone was going to pull a gun and start shooting (2 days after the wedding in that area a 16 year old boy was stabbed to death).

The experience was so good & unlike anything else I had done before that I’m even thinking of putting the wedding scene into my next script.

As always the food was not even average (from the vegetarian POV at least) and, since it wasn’t a Polish wedding where there is more food than anyone could possibly eat, everyone got drunk pretty quickly. On the top of that, I just had a small reminder (two actually) that some people should not drink alcohol. I’m one of them ‘cos it doesn’t matter how much alcohol I drink I usually end up feeling sick the next morning (first reminder).

The other reminder came from some high profile guests who proved that no matter who you are to the bride and the groom, you can still get drunk and do some real crazy shit. I say no more, not to embarrass anyone, especially the close families of the bride and groom.

As much as I complain about the weddings, this one turned out to be successful on few levels. First of all, I got inspired by some of the guests. Secondly, my date (I didn’t have to pay him. We are actually having fun together in real life if you know what I mean) adored me. Thirdly, my ex couldn’t take his eyes of me. And last but far from least, I put the little home wrecker where she belongs.

My date and I left the party much earlier than my ex. Of course we had some urgent business to attend to, just like the main character from Guy Ritchie’s movie would do.