Much Ado About 'Literally' Nothing

As some of you may have heard, the word literally has
finally been amended in the Oxford English Dictionary. It seems that things in
the world of academia take a long time and with all the other very important
things going on in the world, it struck me as funny. Here’s how I imagine these
brilliant men coming together to discuss this important issue.









“Lord Falconer, welcome. We have important issues to attend
to this morning and one of them has to do with changing our beloved Oxford
Dictionary.”




Lord Falconer clears his raspy throat and with a slightly
befuddled look and a cough he grunts, “Ah, yes.”

“Let us introduce everyone after we fix this behemoth
problem regarding the word ‘literally’.”




“Professor Sparrow has sent us an email regarding Mark Twain’s
incorrect usage. Shall I read it now?”




“Please Lord Hastings, let us hear the missive.”




“Not quite a missive, good chap, just a mere email.”




“Sorry, not familiar with modern communication, Sir. I
employ a secretary. Carry on....”




“Should I send you a text message with a link?”




“What part of modern communication do you not understand? I
don’t use email and I don’t have text messages on my phone.”




“Very well, I’ll skip it but there is another writer from
1769 who also used the word incorrectly.”




“That author of “The History of Emily Montague?”




“Yes, have you heard of it?”




“No, of course not, sounds like romantic bog-water. I read
about it in the bloody Times,” Lord Falconer looks perturbed.

“Why hasn't this been changed earlier? It’s just a small
addition and now we look foolish?”




“Is that literally?” Lord Hastings asks, while scribbling
notes.




“Yes, quite.”




“Sorry?”




“Do we have other words up for review?”




“Yes, in fact there are many, let me see,” glancing at his
notes, Hastings looks up with a smile and says, “the next one on the list is
irregardless.”



“Jolly good, let’s break for tea and discuss the other later.”