Awkward First (play) dates

I have been blessed with children who have never met a single stranger. Like, ever. We have made friends at the playground. In other countries while on vacation. While stranded at the airport. They just make friends. And sometimes they want to keep these friends. Which means we exchange phone numbers and–if one or the other of the kids won’t let it go–then we schedule a play date.

Emily, the mom, wants her kids to have tons of fabulous friends and fun play dates.

Emily, the writer, and introvert wants to hang out at home with my cats and my Nook.

I’m going to be honest here … I thought I was done with this first date thing when I got married. I never realized that once my kids came along, I’d be doing it all over again, meeting up at parks, pools, and bounce-house-R-us in the hopes that the chemistry between the kids will be magical and that parent is someone I can talk to with a minimum of pain. And my kids are young, so I usually tag along and we almost always meet in some public place.

That first play date with a new kid (or family) is exactly like a blind date. Sometimes, you meet that other mom and the scheduled time of the playdate just flies by. You have things in common, the conversation is smooth and–most importantly–the kids get along. You walk away convinced you’ve met your new best mom-friend. Other times, things feel clumsy and you struggle to find anything to say to that other mom. And then there are those playdates that go really, really bad.

Don’t believe me? I’ve had playdate that ended in tears (thankfully not mine). I’ve had to fill the awkward silences with mom’s who are even more introverted than I am. I’ve had to explain what I write and sometimes justify it.

“Oh, you write romance novels? Like that trashy 50 shades thing?”

“Um, no. Less trashy and wildly less successful.”

Or even better: “Oh. You write. Books.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t read books.”

“Thanks okay. I’m not going to quiz you later.” (‘Cause I never want people to feel awkward.)

A few minutes later. “I read Wuthering Heights in high school. I hated it. Do you write books like that?”

“Um, no. Less literary and wildly less successful.”

And you might think that would be the low point in the awkward first dates. Sadly, no. I’ve two first play dates (in public) where  I did everything in my power to keep my kids behaving okay but where the other kids behaved so badly, strangers talked to me about curtailing the kids behavior. (Why me and not the kid’s mom? I have no idea.) But let me tell you, it’s awkward. And horrible. (And why do strangers think it’s okay to come up to anyone and criticize how kids are behaving?) When it comes to parenting, I try not to be judgmental, so when I’m out on a playdate, unless a kid is doing something dangerous, I’m not going step in. And it feels really horrible when a stranger does it. I mean, can you imagine being on a romantic first date where a stranger walks up to the table and starts haranguing your date. You want to just sink into the floor.

What’s the worst first playdate you’ve ever been on?

Or better yet, what are your tips for avoiding bad play dates?

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Emily McKay, aka. Hippy Chick mom,  lives and writes in the Texas hill country. She has two kids, two dogs, two cats, and 9 chickens.  She loves movies, food, yoga and books. And eggs. Lots and lots of eggs.

Her 2012 release, The Farm just won the Rita for the Young Adult romance.