[Perry] Perrypocalypse 2013

Gather round children.

It’s storytime.

So we’d been bouncing back and forth the idea of getting together for a while, just for kicks. The opportunity came up and was offered around the time of a long weekend up here in Canadia and I jumped on it.

Little did I know what I was in for…

Episode 1: Wherein I am stopped at security.

So I had this idea, a vision. Given that Tami and Steven were gluten free and lived in what was basically a fairly white area, I figured that the chance that they’d had any decent home-cooked Korean food was pretty slim to none.

I took it upon myself to educate them.

I figured out a good, simple dish that I could make that was also gluten free and gleaned the recipe and directions from my mother.

Here was the rub, though. The recipe also called for the use of a Korean spice, a very common Korean spice, but one that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to find there.

Tami DID mention that they did have a “World Foods” sort of store nearby that we could look for it in but I was doubtful. I took it upon myself to eliminate doubt by buying a bottle of the stuff and bringing it along with me.

This was a decision that I almost came to regret most highly.

When going through security on the way out there, I got stopped during the security screening process where they essentially asked me, “What the hell is that?”

I explained that it was a common Korean spice…but the lady who was scanning me SNAPPED ON A PAIR OF RUBBER GLOVES, took the bottle and wandered off, telling me that she had to consult with her supervisor.

WHAT THE SHIT?

Anytime something like this happens in an airport, you get worried. I got worried. Looking over, I could see the lady coming back, surrounded by a…a…coterie, of 3-4 people. They were arguing, and gesturing, and waving my little bottle of spice around the place.

I’d just started thinking that this whole bring my own spice thing was totally a bad idea when the lady finally returned, telling me that I was okay to go.

What in the hell? Did they think I was going to…what? Threaten the plane with a Korean spice? Maybe they thought it was like a Korean weapon of choice or something, I’ve no goddamned clue. But holy shit, was I ever nervous.

At the end of the day, I’m pretty sure that the only thing that kept me from getting violated by an angry lady with a rubber glove is the fact that the spice bottle still had the seal on it that showed that it hadn’t been opened yet.

Otherwise….*gulp*

Episode 2: Mulled Apple Cider

You know what? If the mountain won’t come to Muhammad, Muhammad must go to the mountain!

With the mulled apple cider post, I tried, and tried, AND TRIED to get Tami to take a fun picture of her menacing an apple…but she just flat out refused.

So when I finally arrived, I brought with me the most nervous apple ever, Julio (appropriately dubbed by Tami).

Then I totally guilt-tripped her.

“I’ve come ALL the way to Wisconsin AND I brought my own apple for you to menace. Are you really going to say no to a picture?”

You’re welcome, guys.

Episode 3: Spicy Korean Chicken

See, here’s the problem.

My mother is one of those…’cook by feel’ sort of peoples. So when I confirmed the ingredients and directions from her, they were some pretty vague instructions.

I did the best I could though.

We went out shopping for ingredients and you could have blown me over with a feather when I saw the size of the damned liquor store they visited.

Seriously, you could fit some of the grocery stores in Toronto into the size of their liquor store. Filled with all sorts of gag inducing flavors like glazed donut vodka…and what was another one? Saltwater taffy vodka? Something like that? *shudder*

Anyway, we stopped by the actual grocery store afterward (which, hilariously, was the same size as the damned liquor store) to pick up everything needed for the dish I wanted to make.

Now, I’m not much of a cook. So there was a bit of an emergency when I realized the pot I was using was too large (yes, Tami, I know I should have asked for a pan instead. Shush) and that it had turned more soupy than saucy. But the day was saved with Tami and Steven’s expertise, soupy level reduced and a delicious meal was had by all!

Korean spicy chicken invasion was a complete success!

Episode 4: Games Night

So explain this to me.

Explain to me how an APPLE, with NO control over the cards he’s playing, can hold his freaking own against TWO writers and a worldbuilder while playing Cards Against Humanity.

Explain this to me, because I don’t fucking understand.

What’s worse is that he even did pretty decently on the double word prompts and the multi-word prompts!

What in the hell?!

Julio is clearly possessed by a malevolent English spirit.

On an unexpected note?

Moore Manor is CLEARLY some form of ‘gangsta’ headquarters according to this picture:

(You can’t see it but my face is totally echoing Julio’s right now)

Episode 5: House on the Rock

Mind. Fucking. Blown.

This place? Is totally inspirational, boggling, terrifying, and delightfully, whimsically glorious, all at the same goddamned time.

Random Asian architecture and design choices? Check!

World’s largest carousel…INDOORS? Check!

Massive 4-5 story tall model of a whale fighting a giant squid? Check!

CREEPY PORCELAIN CLOWN DOLL COLLECTION? Checkcheck!

Man…you want instruments that play themselves? You want to walk an area that looks like it’s been pulled from Columbia (Bioshock Infinite)? You want to look up and see a whole bunch of half naked angels? You want to see a massive collection of dollhouses?

Checkcheckcheck!

The bulk of the pictures of my trip came from there and you’re welcome to peruse the gallery at your leisure (the link to said gallery will be at the bottom).

Suffice to say that when Tami mentioned mind-melting, she really wasn’t freaking kidding.

The first half of the house is just so damned bizarre and incredible that by the time you get to the end…and you see a tree made of giant drums or you see the four horsemen of the apocalypse hanging overhead…it just doesn’t phase you.

You really just ‘meh’ about it, your mind is just so damned fatigued.

Fun thing, though?

There was an interesting reaction between the low lighting, the flash on my camera, and the reflective Nike strips on my shoes.

Suffice to say? A lot of the pictures of ME within the House on the Rock made me feel like some sort of superhero.

Tell me that I’m wrong XD:

Episode 6: Watchin’ Stuffs

There were many things watched.

Tami’s listed out the stuff we watched. Generally speaking, I think that I enriched their lives with the things I shared.

Hearing them laugh out loud and just generally have a fantastic time while watching mindless action gems like, Shoot Em Up and Fright Night was a wonderful feeling.

Also, seeing that they shared my thoughts on how Chronicle was a powerful, hard-hitting movie was also very satisfying.

In return, they shared with me things like Idiocracy (slightly horrifying and brain hurty), Slammin’ Salmon (WONDERFUL movie with the most quotable goddamned lines, EVER), and…

Well…there’s a gap in my memories.

There’s about thirty minutes of time that I blanked out for.

If they’d taken a picture of me during it, you would have seen me huddled up on the Reading chair (more on that beautiful piece of furniture later), hugging a cushion tightly to my chest, half hiding my face behind it.

That blanked out thirty minutes…it haunts me. I just remember snippets of some…horror. A terror from the deep.

Named Old Gregg.

I was traumatized, and Steven, in return for being the initiator of the traumatizing offered me a hug to make it all better XD.

Hey, what can I say? The man can totally hug ^^.

Episode 7: National Mustard Festival

Apparently, this is a fucking thing now?

Do you have any idea how disconcerting it is to look out the window as you’re having a nice breakfast to see a human-sized mustard container dancing in the street with little kids?

Look!

Episode 8: Olbrich Gardens

Neato place!

The gardens I remember going to when I was younger in my area were more…orderly. More paths and less little nooks and crannies you can wander around where you’re surrounded by plants.

So pretty nice experience. A lot of nice scenery.

There was a damned duck that I was trying to get Julio to take a picture with, but it kept waddling away from me as I crept up on it.

Apparently? My ninja skills totally need work.

Who can forget the random, gold-leaf covered Thai pagoda in the center of the garden? Completely apropos of nothing?

And sensitive flowers?

Did you guys know there are plants that look normal but when you brush against them or touch them, they close up?

Because they’re awesome.

Episode 9: Tami’s Reading Chair

Yes, this totally deserves its own episode because it’s THAT, goddamned awesome.

Honestly, I took one look at this chair and I scoffed at it.

I SCOFFED at this chair.

I told Tami that it was one of the ugliest chairs I’d ever seen.

She nodded at the comment and then gestured to the chair.

“Sit on it.”

So with a haughty expression on my face, I sat down on the chair…

…and it fucking HUGGED my FREAKING soul.

I was lost.

It’s just the right level of mushy. You sit down and sink into its depths and there’s just no escape. You sit and the chair hugs you back.

And to top it off? Mushy cushions? Cushions that are just mushy enough that they can handle a good squeezing and firm enough that you can hug one and rest your chin on the end of it for head support?

Oh my gooses, I totally wanted to take this chair back home with me, AT LEAST one of the cushions…

It’s soft enough that you TOTALLY know that it’s doing horrendous things to your posture, but you’re just so damned comfortable that you don’t give a damn.

I’m going to miss Tami and Steven, for sure, but honestly?

I almost miss that chair more… >.>”

Episode 10: Miscellaney

Moore Manor is covered in textures. Soft, warm carpeting in most places and RUGS on top of their carpets in places! Layered textures for the win.

Tami’s various wall-hanging knickknacks make for fascinating house browsing.

Steven has a little scene of Colossus about to do battle with Juggernaut.

The bed of Tami of Steven stands like…three and a half feet off the floor lol.

Steven has also shared many stories of Tami’s sleep-talking habits and they’re utterly hilarious.

Moore Manor has a veritable Tower O’ Death that you can see from their house. Apparently, if you get close enough to the top, you’ll DIE.

Roundabouts can be terrifying.

Tami’s car is spacious.

Fuck you, Wisconsin airport (and Detroit airport for that matter) and your lack of complimentary wi-fi.

Steven provides awesome hugs.

Moore Manor is an Apple zone. PCs are apparently heretics within these hallowed halls.

Homemade wines (especially one of them) tastes amazing.

Farmer’s markets are filled with fascinating produce.

Unicorns running rampant all over Wisconsin (moo).

Epilogue

You know, at this point in my life, I’ve met up with a lot of people that I’d originally run into online.

Some of them have been awkward and some of them have been…just, totally not what I was expecting.

Tami and Steven invited me over, made me welcome in their homes and they’re basically the exact same people that you meet online.

It was a fantastic trip with gracious hosts and madcap, happyfuntimes.

Totally hoping to do it again someday ^^

PS: If anyone was interested, there’s a photo gallery from my trip up for your perusal =D

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand OPEN!!!

 

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