taking flight

Now that my panel is over I have time to blog about my first visit to St. Lucia. The island is beautiful and the beach across the street from our hotel is stunning. Rosa and I went over there late in the afternoon and the water was so clear, even when it reached up to our necks. I don’t have the same tolerance for the sun that I had when I was a kid, but we did lie out for a while and it was nice not to have to stress about my paper. I applied to this conference because I knew it would force me to make some kind of sense out of all the research I’ve conducted in and on Nevis. I’ve been thinking about The Hummingbird’s Tongue for months and months and I bet I could sit down and write the book in one month—IF I had a month with no other obligations. But the fall semester starts in a couple of weeks, I haven’t yet designed my new writing intensive syllabus, I still haven’t finished Judah’s Tale and that HAS to happen this month, and I’m still working to place The Deep. My article for Jeunesse will likely need more revisions before it gets published this fall, and that just doesn’t leave a lot of time for me to write this memoir. I wrote Stranger in the Family in about 5 weeks, but I was unemployed then and trying to hold onto my sanity while living with my mother in Toronto. While we were treading water this afternoon Rosa told me about some artists residencies in the Caribbean. I’m thinking I should plan to return over winter break and really try to get this book written. It weighs on me—I’m constantly remembering things from my childhood, and I’m discovering more about my family as I meet more and more cousins. I also think about my father a lot and that can be emotionally exhausting. Today my co-panelist Cyril Dabydeen came up to me and asked, “Is that your father at the back?” And for a split second I wished I could say “Yes.” But it was my other co-panelist, filmmaker Davina Lee, whose father was anxiously awaiting his daughter’s presentation. I have so many memories and ideas and questions; it’s all piling up in my head and I need to sit down at a table, spread everything out before me, and make it all make sense. I think I said I would post my conference paper here on the blog but as soon as the panel ended, the editor of Caribbean Quarterly came up and said she’d be interested in considering my paper for publication! That was my main objective in attending this conference and I wasn’t completely satisfied with the paper I pulled together this week, but with a little more work I think it will be worthy of publication. The hummingbird is almost ready to take flight…

I’ve had two migraines this week and Rosa and I have both remarked on how difficult it is to “turn off” our brains, which are always looking ahead, prioritizing items on the neverending To Do list. But on Tuesday we flipped the switch and took a day trip to Soufriere. The Pitons were stunning, even when draped in mist, and the off and on rain showers didn’t matter much since when we weren’t covered in volcanic mud, we were bracing ourselves for the HOT HOT HOT sulphur springs. We had lunch at Fond Doux, a nearby cocoa plantation, and then held on as our driver expertly navigated the narrow, winding road that led up and down the steep hills. Tomorrow we’re hoping to spend some time in Castries, the capital city, before attending the farewell beach bbq on Friday night. And then Saturday takes me back to Brooklyn! This isn’t a vacation but conducting and presenting research in the Caribbean definitely has its perks…