My list of crazy backstage demands

I was reading this article today about musician backstage demands. On a practical sense, I get these demands, with the possible exception of a toothless, bald hooker. Then, I started thinking what would be my crazy list of requirements.

17 cases of Coke Zero.1 case of antacids (due to the Coke).A 40 ouncer of Newfie screech.2-4 (pronounced "Two Four") each of Keith's White and Keith's India Pale Ale.1 case of Gas-X (due to the beer).A hamburger happy meal. With crayons to colour the bag. But...