Waiting for the Death Meteor

Now on top of everything else, NASA’s pestering me to tackle Death Meteors.  Nobody takes Death Meteors more seriously than I do, but I’m already up to my elbows with other crises.  Hummingbird-feeders, for example.  My wife’s lobbying to remove all eight feeders from the eaves, on grounds they’re an eyesore, a position not without merit.  Visualize red plastic containers sprouting bright yellow plastic flowers, so obviously fake, they wouldn’t fool anybody who isn’t dumb as a hummingbird.   The problem is, hummingbirds think tacky yellow flowers are beautiful, and nothing will budge their conviction that these represent the pinnacle of artistic achievement.  Can I help that nature’s loveliest, jewel-like denizens have moronic taste?But with my wife out of town, I can turn my attention to Death Meteors.In case you slept through science class, a Death Meteor one point five jillion years ago explains why you never see dinosaurs nowadays unless you count alligators, telephone solicitors, and Komodo Dragons.  This particular Death Meteor was named Chicxulub, which was asking for it.  Naming a meteor something badass like Chicxulub is simply looking for trouble, which is why scientists started naming meteors nonthreatening things like DA14.  DA14, you might recall, was the football-field-sized space-lump that came this close to walloping us last year.

Football Fields (FF) are the standard unit of measure for Death Meteors just as hail is measured in Golf Balls (GB).