New Sobriety Tests

Walk in a crooked line

Let’s face it, walking in a straight line is something people now practice. Make the line crooked and you’ll quickly have people staggering like drunken zombies, regardless of the number of drinks they’ve had.

Not buy a kebab

Somewhere between the pub and home there is always a kebab store. If someone can walk past it and not buy a kebab, then they are sober.

Discuss politics without yelling

Although this may just mean the person yelling is a politician. Either way, just lock them up to be on the safe side.

Not heckle a comedian

Unless they are on this list, in which case don’t stop at heckling, molotov invented a drink that needs to be served to them.

Check that they don’t use the phrase “I’m not drunk.”

May be combined with the phrases “I’ve only had one/couple of drinks” or “Just a wine with dinner.”

Refuse to sing karaoke

Much like the kebab, there is no way a drunk person cannot refrain from busting out a classic tune in all its warbling, tone deaf, shouted glory.

Tagged: Alcohol, Beer, classic tune, Comedian, crooked line, Drinking, Drunk, drunk person, Fun, Funny, Heckle, heckling, Humor, Humour, Karaoke, Kebab, Politics, Right What You No, tone deaf, Tyson Adams, walking in a straight line, Whiskey, Wine, Yelling