I'm so over it

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I love the Hamptons. It's the (summer) people I hate.
The thought I've so often voiced in disgust over the years came to mind again last Saturday as I sat, seething, in bumper-to-bumper traffic. It had taken two hours to make the 100-mile (or so) drive from Greenwich, Conn., to Southampton and it looked as if it would take at least that long to get from Southampton to Bridgehampton -- assuming I stayed on the main road.
Fearing I would soon commit an unspeakable act of road rage, I decided to take my chances on the back roads. When I spotted a break in oncoming traffic, I turned left into a car dealership parking lot and drove down the narrow aisle towards the exit. There, I came face to face with another motorist who wanted to go up the aisle I'd just come down. Unless she moved, I would be forced to drive over a large curb in order to get to the exit and I wasn't about to do that. So there we sat, at an impasse, until she finally yielded to my get the effing hell out of my way look.
Finally out of the parking lot, I headed west and enjoyed doing the speed limit until I found the turnoff marking the beginning of the "short cut" the locals taught me when I got married at the Hampton Classic Horse Show back in 1997. Finding little traffic to impede my progress, I let my mind wander and my thoughts turned to the time when I was head-over-heels in love with Adam. Those were the days when I thought I'd have it all -- when I thought we'd have it all.
Suddenly my nostalgia -- and the traffic -- came to a screeching halt on a secondary road where I had never, ever seen so much congestion. My anger resurfaced as the eastbound traffic crawled along.
Who are all of these people? I thought. What are they doing here? Do they think it's cool? Do they think they've "made it" just because they're renting a house out here? Is this how they measure their success in business? As people? Is this how they define themselves? Wow! How sad.
Fervently wishing that everyone would just go away, I finally turned right onto one of the residential streets leading into Bridgehampton. I passed some very nice homes that would likely be considered "modest" by some standards, and a train station before turning onto a well-traveled road on the east end of town. Mission accomplished I thought when I finally pulled into a parking spot behind the local Starbucks.
In keeping with longstanding tradition, I ventured through town, picking up some glossy magazines along the way. I also grabbed a venti frappucino before jumping back in the car and heading to the Bridgehampton Polo Club, where I planned on photographing a high-goal match.
As it turned out, my afternoon only got worse. I arrived at the club to find the driveway blocked. I didn't see anyone around -- and to be honest the more I thought about spending the rest of the day putting up with drunken idiots who know next to nothing about polo, the less I felt like staying. Feeling completely miserable, I headed into Southampton to do some window shopping and then headed for home.
Comfortably ensconced on my couch with a sour apple martini in hand a few hours later, I leafed through the glossy magazines touting "Super Saturday" -- the day when several high-profile charity events are held throughout the Hamptons. They're the kind of events hosted by celebrities that attract mainstream media attention along with sychopants, "wanna-bes", hangers-on and hordes of "very important people" who no doubt believe their own press because they've got a few bucks.
Their photographs litter the pages. In shot after shot, they appear in groups, trying not to seem smug while posing and failing miserably. Aren't we great? Aren't we special? Don't you want to be one of us? their expressions say.
In a society obsessed with wealth and celebrity, it makes me sick. In fact, I once told a co-worker that celebrities don't impress me.
Oh, they did once upon a time. But once I started covering professional sports I realized that those idolized by millions are actually... pause for dramatic effect... human. Some are wonderful. Some aren't very nice. And then there are those who are so rude, arrogant and self-centered that they aren't worth a second thought, much less the adulation heaped upon them by the masses.
And even though I'm a devout proponent of capitalism, people with lots of money don't impress me either.
When you say things like that it makes you sound like you don't value anything, my co-worker said.
I beg to differ. I value common decency. I value compassion. I value loyalty, honesty and hard work. I value fairness and open-mindedness. I value those who give back to their community without clammoring for attention because it is the right thing to do. Shockingly, I learned to value these qualities from... gasp... my parents.
Sadly, they are also qualities that are sorely lacking among the Hamptons' summer denizens.
Until next time, "That's life..."