When "No" doesn't mean "No"

Do you ever look back on your life and realize that if you had gotten the things that you wanted at the time that you wanted them, you would have missed some of the opportunities that came to you as a result of being told NO?

For me this has happened on several occasions.

1. When I didn’t get pregnant for a full year after I started trying.

In that year I wrote my first (very bad) novel. And realized that the writing dream I’d put off for so long was ready for me to go back to.

2. When I was told NO to getting a full-time job as a professor.

I was told that if I wanted the job, I would need to show that I wasn’t going to be wasting my time writing fiction. And realized that writing fiction was the thing I cared about most in the world in terms of career.

3. When I spent six years writing 20 novels that were all rejected.

I figured out what I really wanted to write and found the right agent for me. I didn’t get distracted by offers from small presses, and I think that was the right choice at the time for me.

4. When I lost a big deal after multiple rewrites.

Because I was with the wrong editor. I found the right editor again and The Rose Throne was finally published in the form it needed to be.

5. When I was so tired of trying to write a book that would sell and decided to write just for me.

I produced Ironmom. And The Bishop’s Wife (which I will talk about more later). Small successes, but they gave me enormous emotional satisfaction.

And it isn’t just in my life.

My daughter who is headed off to Berklee School of Music was told no so many times by high school music and drama teachers that she fled high school after only two years. She applied to her dream school and was accepted, but ended up unable to attend because of monetary reasons. She spent a year working minimum wage jobs and then reapplied to more colleges and got a much better situation.

My daughter who ended up at MIT was told by her parents that it was too expensive and to go to a cheaper school. But she figured out a way to get her own financing and went anyway. And was deliriously happy there.

Sometimes “no" is really the universe telling you you’re not thinking high enough yet.